AITJ For not wanting my foster sister to be at my graduation?
AITJ For not wanting my foster sister to be at my graduation?
(Warning: does bring up abuse, alcoholism, and harmful thoughts)
I (17f) am graduating next week. And I have a foster sister (16f) who’s been living with me since September of last year.
For context: Before she was a really good friend of mine for a year before she eventually moved in with me due to an abusive stepdad who used the kind of discipline older Asian men and women went through.
However now that she has moved in she has caused a lot of issues and done things that have taken a toll on me mentally.
The month she moved in with me and my family she started adding people on snap chat and eventually talking to a 19 year old navy guy despite just turning 16 a little bit before that. (She had her location on and told him what school she went to her teachers etc etc. because she wanted to marry him and trusted him. She only blocked him after a few weeks into dating her (now ex) bf despite me telling her to remove her location and block him)
She decided to date (ex)despite my dad not allowing any of us to date until we were 18 and lying about it until my dad found out and approved of it to an extent.
She has lied to me and others trying to manipulate situations because she was cheating on her bf and tried to act clueless in front of everyone despite it being obvious.
Her attitude towards me has changed to where she now acts really rude to me and only me to the point she snaps at me and acts polite the moment somebody else is around or she needs something from me like money. (She has snapped at me on call while on speaker without realizing multiple times now though so my friends know how she can act)
I do take some blame because I believe me strongly disapproving her talking to the 19 year old made her stop trusting me with other relationships. And I do understand that I was in some aspects probably very controlling in her eyes which most likely made her uncomfortable when I viewed it as trying to protect her. However I had made strong efforts to be nice to her now ex boyfriend when they were together and have stepped back from trying to act like a parent.
Now: yesterday I went to a birthday party where one of her ex bf’s friends was there and when I said something reminded me of my sister (name), he was like “\\\_\\\_\\\_’s ex is your sister?” And I said yes after however he said “Oh sorry not to be rude but I hate that bitch.” Which made one of my friends ask about her and her ex bf. So I told him about their relationship.
I did add how she talked about her ex because they want to get back together over summer (despite my dad telling her through a second talk no more dating until 18 and her ex is literally Muslim).
The next day she sent me a message near the end of school:
Your funny (my name) 😂
If your gonna talk crap at least tell it to people who won’t say anything about it
I never said anything bad about her, all I did was tell them how they got together and how the friend should be wary of her and her ex getting back together because of things she’s said. (Comparing her ex to the guy she was cheating on him w, fat shaming her ex, etc etc)
She even told my dad we got “into a fight” and now my dad is upset with me and he’s even more upset I didn’t want to tell him anything. (Because he’s already gotten mad at me and my sister for wanting him to talk to her about her cheating. He told us it’s none of our business and to stay out of it and it’s clear if I said my side he probably wouldn’t have been happy with me since he has told me he expects me to be really patient with her and mind my own business)
I understand that I should be patient with her however I’ve also had experiences of my own, (my dad was emotionally/physically absent for most of my life, my mom was an alcoholic and would get abusive towards me sometimes until she got proper help, suicidal thoughts, etc etc) so I know what it’s like.
And now at this point I’m emotionally exhausted, I have a couple days before I graduate but emotionally I can’t handle her anymore. Even when I talk to my therapist about my relationship with her she told me straight up that at this point she isn’t my friend anymore and she probably doesn’t view me that way or like a sister at all. I don’t want to be stressed out or upset on a day I’m supposed to be celebrating a happy moment and I want to be around people who are happy for me and make me happy not somebody faking it just because. But I’m scared to tell my dad I don’t want her there because I don’t know how he’ll respond and I don’t know if I’m being too hard considering her past.
AITJ?