u/IllKaleidoscope6161

Hello everyone,

I thought a lot before deciding to post this, in the hope of clearing my mind. I didn’t fully understand what "narcissistic parents" meant until I really started taking this seriously.

I had a conversation with my mom. I don’t talk to my dad because he’s a terrible person (I’ve never liked him). My mom borrowed money from me and didn’t seem to want to pay it back. So, I wanted to talk to her to understand what was going on, and I hoped we could resolve any misunderstandings as well. The conversation went badly. Instead of mutual understanding and respect, I received guilt-tripping, unaccountability, and humiliation (or insults). My mom is in debt. I sympathize. I have tried everything I can. However, she wants more. It’s all about money. I’m not rich. I don’t have much saved. I live within my means and I don’t ask for more because I know myself and I know what’s enough. In contrast, she doesn’t. She has a lot of negative views and prejudices toward women. Ironically, she’s a woman too. Every single thing that women in the past had to endure still stays in her head; thoughts like "women should be in the kitchen only," "women shouldn’t be allowed to go to school," "women should serve men," "women only need to find a guy, get married, have kids, and support the family." Yeah, you heard that right. She believed in those things, except when it came to allowing me to go to school. Now she uses that against me.

She kept pushing me to get married, though I told her it’s my personal choice.

She insulted me for not keeping the family’s religion, but she doesn’t understand what religion she’s practicing.

She compared me to other people’s children. I compared her to other people’s parents. I told her if she didn’t want to be compared, then she shouldn’t do that to me.

She then nitpicked to belittle me.

She blamed things on others but never recognized that her poor choices were the cause.

She used the ultimate weapon: "I gave birth to you. I raised you. I’m your parent. No matter how bad I am, I am still your parent and you can’t talk back to me like that. I regret letting you study too much." I replied, "It's your choice to bring me here. I didn't knock on your door and demand to be born".

This hit me. I could never imagine a parent saying, "I regret letting you study too much," to their child. She said she didn’t have good opportunities in the past to pursue education. "Then... why do you regret letting me do so?" I replied. She believes that my education obstructs my life because I’m still not married. I shared with her that I have some health problems. She responded, "What disease? It’s because you don’t get married." I laughed so hard and I asked her, "Is that how we can cure every disease? Putting a dick into a vagina and then boom, all cured?" She couldn’t say anything. At this point, I know where all my trauma and anxiety come from.

I used to have a weird feeling that she’s jealous of my life, but I immediately stopped thinking about it because I found it disturbing and nonsensical. How can a parent be jealous of their child? No way! What I’ve known is that parents feel proud when they see their children achieve what they might have been unable to. But no, she’s really jealous of me. I know it sounds so weird, but I don’t think I’m delusional. From my appearance to my achievements, she acts like she doesn’t want me to have a better life than hers. She wants to see me repeat what she has done with her life. Now that I am walking a different and non-traditional path, she gets triggered.

I decided to go no contact. I tried my best. I cried a lot after this harsh conversation. The thing is, I can feel the warmth in my heart, in my soul... I find it strange because I thought I would feel worse, but no... I feel like... my inner child finally got the answers she needed. Growing up, she always wondered if she wasn’t enough, if she deserved to be loved, if she was broken, etc... It turns out, no, it was never her fault; she’s not the problem. She is released. She can now accept that she doesn’t have the family she wished for. And that’s okay.

I'm not writing to raise argument. You may or may not agree with my actions, and I totally understand. I'm mature enough to understand nobody is perfect, so am I. Therefore, I accepted my parents for who they are but I reached my limit. For my own sake, I need to let go.

Thank you for reading.

Wishing you strength on your path, beautiful souls.

Quick question: Does anyone else find this week's energy suddenly so heavy?