u/Ill-Shopping-69

Please tell me there is still a way to turn this around.

I’m writing this through tears because I feel like I’ve failed my 2.5-year-old son.

He used to be the sweetest, gentlest little boy, but over the past few months his behavior has become incredibly challenging. There are constant tantrums, yelling, hitting, and power struggles. I know toddlers go through this, but it feels so extreme, and I can’t shake the feeling that I caused it.

I had postpartum depression after he was born, then was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 1.5. Medication and therapy helped me become the calm, present mom I wanted to be for a while, but then I got pregnant with our second and had to stop my meds. My pregnancy was very difficult and I was mostly on bed rest for the last four months.

During that time, and honestly for much of his life, he hasn’t gotten the best of me. There was too much TV, too much phone scrolling, too much irritability, inconsistency, and not enough patience or presence. My husband took on so much, and naturally our son became much more attached to him.

Now when my son gets hurt, he calls for Dad. He prefers Dad for bedtime and stories. Around me, he often seems tense, like he expects me to say no or get upset. It breaks my heart because he still asks me to play and connect, even after all the times I’ve said no.

Our second is now one month old. She is an easy baby, I’m recovering well from a C-section, and I’m on maternity leave for the next year. For the first time in a long while, I feel like I have a real chance to be present.

Have any of you repaired a strained relationship with your toddler after a difficult period? Can a child this young rebuild trust and closeness with a parent? I love him more than anything and want to be the mom he deserves.

The short story: trying to decide between a Sullywrap or a Didymos (and which Didymos?) for a spring baby who will mostly be carried in warm summer weather.

The long story:
Hi all. We live in Germany, and have a 2.5yo son, and a 3w old daughter. My son was born in September, so most of his carrying days were in cold / moderate weather until around 9mo when he became more mobile and didn’t like being carried anymore. We had an Ergobaby Embrace and an Ergobaby Omni Dream for him, my husband did most of the carrying and it was fine.

Now, with having an infant daughter and chasing after a toddler, I want (need!) to start carrying her more. Unfortunately I had to have a C-section, so both the Ergobaby carriers are uncomfortable for me to wear due to the waistband. This made me start going down the rabbit hole of wraps - and oh my what a beautiful world!

I am shopping mostly on vinted for cost & sustainability reasons. There seems to be a good range of options- lots of Didymos, Hoppediz, etc. Today I also saw a Sullywrap which is not that common in Europe, and I saw it mentioned on this sub a lot so I am intrigued. The price of the sullywrap is around 30-35 euros. The prices for Didymos range a lot depending on the model, some at 20 euros, some at 120. But price is second to comfort for me, while recovering from c-section and dealing with 2 littles, so I don’t mind the cost as long as it’s the right choice.

I did already buy two more carriers:
- I bought a Koala Baby Band on impulse, but it will probably get returned; I didn’t love the ring concept and the material felt too synthetic for my taste. But I will give it another go if you all think it’s good and maybe I judged it too quickly?
- I also bought a half buckle from Elsa&Emil which we go after a store consultation with a baby wearing consultant. I love it for longer days of being outside, and it’s quite comfortable especially for my back.
- also very tempted by a didytai, which seems to be less pressure on the abdomen and also less wrapping around me and baby than a traditional wrap?

A bit of a tangent: during the store consultation we also tried a Flybaby, which the consultant themselves actually advised against. From my online research, the Flybaby would have been my choice, so I am glad we got to try it and see for ourselves that it’s just no good.

So - if you made it this far 🙏🏻 thank you! And what would you choose for an April baby who will mostly be carried in hot summer days, in dusty parks with toddler brother playing in the sand, at home for naps, etc?

Might also be worth mentioning I have ADHD which comes with some sensory overload issues, and I also tend to run quite hot. I hate feeling sweaty and hate hot weather in general… so I am really trying to tick a lot of boxes here with this wrap. And it might even be that a wrap is simply not for me and I should stick with the Elsa & Emil half buckle, or maybe look into a Didytai?