u/Ill-Preparation-4504

ok, hear me out, I know the title makes it sound like ITA.

Basically, I (F19) recently got accepted into a really competitive training/assessment program that starts at the beginning of June. If I pass, I immediately start in the position. It’s a really good opportunity, I’ve wanted it for years, and I’m so, so grateful I got it.

However, my family wants me to postpone the assessment so we can take a trip overseas to visit my grandparent with dementia. I truly understand why this matters, and I do feel very guilty because I know time with them is limited.

The problem is that I’m worried that postponing could affect my chances in the program or make me seem unreliable, since everything appears to be very scheduled and competitive. I suggested that I visit solo later on in the year on my own with my own funds once I’m more stable with work, but my family wants us all to go together now.

Part of why I’m frustrated is that my family has spent a lot of time traveling and organizing things around my siblings' schooling and career opportunities, and because of that I honestly haven’t seen them much in months. To me, it feels like they’ll schedule everything around the sibling who they feel has a more “worthy” job or opportunity and don’t see mine as “worth it” or “valuable” enough to consider in the scheduling. At the same time, they’ve been pushing me for a while to get a job (with full time university) and figure out my future. Now that I have found something I genuinely want and worked really hard to get into, they want me to potentially risk it for this trip. Another key point is that I don’t think they fully understand how competitive and inflexible some jobs can be, because most of the work they’ve done has been more flexible/supportive with time off and scheduling.

Side note: I have given up a job in the past to have more time to take care of this relative, so it’s not as if I’m detached. We are close enough, but sometimes it’s hard. I don’t need to be appreciated for the work I do to take care of someone who needs it, but sometimes I wonder if I am giving too much of myself to please my parents.

I feel torn because I understand my family’s side, and I don’t want regrets, but I also feel like this is a very rare and important opportunity for my future, and not something I can easily move around. I really hate disagreeing with my parents or going against their wishes because they've given me so much and (i feel like) know so much more about life.

Anyways, I feel like a complete douchebag even considering staying, and I feel so entitled even complaining about the opportunity to travel with my family.

AITA? What do I do? How do I approach this situation or future conversations?