u/Ijustdontknow-3565

is there anything you do or have done that helped you with the mood swings, anger and "EVERYBODY'S SO IRRITATING" during the luteal phase?

to me, that week before my period is worse than the period cramps. I hate myself and everybody, the way they talk, walk and stand... everything about me or people makes me so angry.

all the negative feelings gather up inside of me. and it's hard to be rational during it.

I am low-key starting to get scared whenever I know I am entering the HOLY LUTEAL PHASE. cuz I really don't know what to expect

is there something you tried that made you feel the difference?

I started to feel bitter and holding grudge towards my whole family. and I know I can't and shouldn't carry on that way.

it's safe to think that I hate them all.

Starting from the parents that minimize me and my decisions. idolizing some children instead of others. we're not treated equality, of course one is better knowing that it's the one that caused the most problems in the family.

my brothers are misogynistic idiots. but I must be super duper nice to them because of their money (since they have inherited everything cause they're the men and they carry the name of the family? and what do I fucking carry? my neighbors family name ?)

and bcz of the consequences I must face if I say anything that could be offensive to them.

my sisters managed to profit from me. ONE got me babysitting her child and taking care of her and the house while she was fucking her ex husband that cheated on her. knowing that I was studying at the same time.

plus she's a great manipulator ( I admire her wickedness sometimes, she manages to manipulate everybody, in order to get what she wants. admirable tbh)

THE OTHER managed to manipulate me into helping her but all she was doing was taking money from me, so that her husband "doesn't spend a lot". cool protecting her husbands from home's expenses. all that while I was studying and working at the same time, trying to save money to go abroad ( in case my father refuses to give me money in order prevent me from it)

I managed to cut both of my sisters off, and what I get from my parents was "you know that you're hurting us with deciding not to talk to your sisters"

well you should have raised them better than profiting and manipulating

( I do have two cats, which are like family members to me. I do not hate those two, don't worry.)

we have a huge problem of communication between us.

communication is awkward and cringe in this family. and if u do dare talk about how you FEEL. you'll be laughed at, called weak and childish.

So ... CAN ANYBODY HELP ME UNDERSTAND:

1- Why do I feel this amount of hate and grudge?

2- how do I get rid of it? because the more I hold on to those negative feelings, the more it consumes me

3- how do I gain myself back ? or how do i build my self up away from all that BS?

knowing that I still live with them at the moment and planning to get out in three months

thanks 😄

my parents do not care when I get sick and simply say "we're all sick". I don't mean that I want them to pamper me and to change "my diapers", i ain't a toddler.

true, I am not dying, it's just a flu

but isn't a little caring good ? and why don't I get any attention from them specifically, not even a look?

I don't want them to take care of my physically but can't they just take me seriously?

not a single word said not even a "did you get better"?

instead... I get my mom mad at me bcz her dirty dishes aren't getting cleaned by me. and both parents think I am exaggerating or faking. for fucks sake

if it was one of my other siblings, they would have started running to check on them and care for them.

am I being a fcking immature person for thinking/feeling that way ?

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY why do I feel this way? why don't I just accept that it just the way it is ?

my brothers have inherited everything ( the houses, the money, they even get admiration just bcz they're males)

"it's different HE'S A MAN."

while I inherit nothing knowing that I am single and have not a single plan of getting married.

it kills me each time I think about it. it feels like being less than a child just because of your genitals.

I am fed up. and there's nothing I can do about it. how do I get off this loop ?