I have been living the same way as I am for the past 10-20 years of my life. I have a lot of ambitions and dreams, but they do not come true because of minimal effort or being distracted halfway. I am also sad about life in general as I do not get enough care and attention from my family members and do not have many friends. I told my friend about my issue. He said I love myself too much because I’m too comfortable in my current zone now that I don’t want to do anything to change and improve my lifestyle. I also spent money on my hobbies, he said since I know how to pamper myself, I actually love myself very much.
However, in my point of view, I think I hate myself, I don’t know what self-love is, I hate my life, my looks, my background, and I do not have the motivation to change because I’m so tired of everything, I feel like I’m surviving and not living. Spending on hobbies that I like actually gives me a reason to feel alive. Can somebody tell me if I actually love or hate myself? I can’t seem to tell which is more accurate and he is so insistent that I love myself and that I’m always giving excuses to not improve….. it’s so frustrating that I can’t prove to him that I actually hate myself…. or do I actually love?