u/IatlohlfaIapaeiawofm

Long story short (as I know circumstances don’t matter) I broke his heart by letting my fears ruin an otherwise perfect relationship. I constantly mistrusted him and subconsciously pushed him away with my behaviors. The weeks before he broke up, he would constantly ask me, if I really love him or just an idea of him and when he broke up he said I broke his heart by not opening up fully - that he gave me his all and I still doubted him and didn’t give him the same trust in return. I know that I‘ve always had good intentions and really struggled too. I know I did the best that I could at the time and that I really tried to make things work by going to therapy and all. So I‘m not blaming myself as much as I did in the beginning.
But now that I set the intention to manifest him back, I only think about how heartbroken he is, how angry he is. I affirm „he is so happy to be my boyfriend“ but I still feel lots of pain. I deeply feel the old story in my body because it’s only been four weeks and our connection has been really deep for five years - so all of this is just an emotional rollercoaster.
I‘m looking for some words of encouragement on how to not let this build more resistance. When I focus on self concept now by saying things like „I love myself, of course people always come back to me“ I feel a bit selfish because I‘m being compassionate towards myself and kind of „forcing“ him to be a version of himself that needs to forgive me now regardless of the hurt I caused.

Have any of you had experiences like this and can share their success story and also what helped you? I know that circumstances don’t matter so I‘m not asking if it’s even possible. I still think sometimes success stories can offer some hope when being in a place of such pain. Thank you!

Long story short (as I know circumstances don’t matter) I broke his heart by letting my fears ruin an otherwise perfect relationship. I constantly mistrusted him and subconsciously pushed him away with my behaviors. The weeks before he broke up, he would constantly ask me, if I really love him or just an idea of him and when he broke up he said I broke his heart by not opening up fully - that he gave me his all and I still doubted him and didn’t give him the same trust in return. I know that I‘ve always had good intentions and really struggled too. I know I did the best that I could at the time and that I really tried to make things work by going to therapy and all. So I‘m not blaming myself as much as I did in the beginning.
But now that I set the intention to manifest him back, I only think about how heartbroken he is, how angry he is. I affirm „he is so happy to be my boyfriend“ but I still feel lots of pain. I deeply feel the old story in my body because it’s only been four weeks and our connection has been really deep for five years - so all of this is just an emotional rollercoaster.
I‘m looking for some words of encouragement on how to not let this build more resistance. When I focus on self concept now by saying things like „I love myself, of course people always come back to me“ I feel a bit selfish because I‘m being compassionate towards myself and kind of „forcing“ him to be a version of himself that needs to forgive me now regardless of the hurt I caused.

Have any of you had experiences like this and can share their success story and also what helped you? I know that circumstances don’t matter so I‘m not asking if it’s even possible. I still think sometimes success stories can offer some hope when being in a place of such pain. Thank you!

The more I affirm that we’re happy and together again, the more I feel inspired to just text him and treat him like I did in the relationship. We’re currently in no contact, he hasn’t answered to my last message and technically I know it would be super random to just be like „heyyy ❤️“. But I do feel really excited, like we’re already together again, so I‘m wondering what to do with that energy? I hope this is a sign that my affirmations and manifestations are working, since I‘m embodying the state. Although I still find myself waiting for him to finally reach out.

This is my first post here and I might be all over the place but I hope my message can come through. I‘m not posting success stories yet and whilst manifestation requires of us to „already be in the state of the wish fulfilled“, I think sometimes we do first have to get through a bit of self reflection. I realized something about myself, something that, if I allow myself to not let it control me, might actually finally help me manifest what I want successfully. And if this is something you’re resonating with as well, then I hope this message can give you some clarity and encouragement!

For all my life I‘ve considered myself a dreamer, someone who wants it all. I‘ve been daydreaming, planning, preparing and for years I knew exactly what I want out of life. I thought I‘m doing the necessary work by preparing, by making pinterest boards, writing down my affirmations.

The last days something in me finally shifted. Manifestation started to click for me. For years I approached manifestations as an act of „trying“. Of having to do A to get to B. Now I realize that manifestation isn’t a trying process, it isn’t hope, it isn’t about „getting somewhere“. Manifestation is happening NOW. Manifestation is „already having, already being the one who has it all“.

And so I allowed myself to just BE the person who has it all. I allowed myself to shift into the state of the wish fulfilled.

And as many of you, I noticed resistance coming up, wavering, staying stuck in the old story. And for some reason, I noticed I find comfort in that. At first the idea of finding comfort in my misery felt foreign to me. Why would I possibly want to stay in the old story, in pain, if I could live the life of my dreams?
We‘re all different, we‘re all complex beings, so there can be multiple reasons as to why we go back to the old story. Usually it’s because it offers some validation to the pain we’re feeling. Complaining about the old story gives us something we can get validated for.

But my biggest reason for staying in the old story is this:
If I stay where I am, I cannot lose anything. Even if I‘m miserable, at least I cannot get disappointed.

Let me give you an example: the love of my life broke up with me three weeks ago. And even though I‘m heartbroken, devastated and in pain - I feel relief. I don’t have to fear losing him anymore because I already did. Throughout our relationship I was constantly worried he‘d leave me, I was in constant hyperviligance, constant anxiety. Now that he did leave, the fear left too. The pain of fear felt more unbearable than the pain of losing him.

Fear drives of uncertainty, fear drives of the unknown. When we stay in our old story, we get the comfort of already knowing what’s going on. We have certainty.
As much as the situation might hurt us, it somehow still feels safer than what we actually want. Because that requires of us to take risk. To trust. And fear doesn’t want trust, it wants safety. It wants full control.

I visualized having my desired life and a thought popped up: „This is getting too real, I‘m uncomfortable“. It confused me, it confused me a lot. Because my desired life being real is EXACTLY what I want, why would that possibly make me uncomfortable?

Well, because once I AM actually living that life, I can lose it too. There’s nothing to lose if I just stay where I am.

Fear doesn’t want to be blindsided, so it checks for every possible worst case scenario, so we can be prepared, so we won’t end up getting hurt as much.

That’s also one of the reasons why daydreaming is so different from actually manifesting and why daydreaming might even feel better than consciously manifesting:
daydreaming your desired life gives you the comfort and happy feelings without actually having to take a risk. It’s an escape, it’s pleasant, you stay in your comfort zone and might even call it „preparation“.
Conscious manifestation requires of you to already embody the version of you that ACTUALLY has it. And that feels uncomfortable at times, leads to resistance. Because your fear says „wow this is getting too real, are we actually prepared for this?“.

So for those of us with trust issues, those of us dealing with trauma of unpredictable behavior… this might be the reason why staying in misery feels (oddly) safer than actually reclaiming your power.
And as difficult as it might be, to let your guard down, to allow yourself to take the risk.. I think in the end it’s worth it.

Because right where you are, in misery, in the old story.. things might feel safe and familiar but they are still just that: miserable.
Allowing yourself to let go of the old story and manifest your desired life might be scary but it’s only a win situation. In the old story you already lost, in the new story you might actually win.

I‘m still figuring all this out so I‘m not sure if this post will help you as much as I hope. But this realization came to me and I felt the urge to share it. Hopefully this realization can open doors for us where we first locked them ourselves, if we allow courage to be the driver… and not fear. 💛

This is my first post here and I might be all over the place but I hope my message can come through. I‘m not posting success stories yet and whilst manifestation requires of us to „already be in the state of the wish fulfilled“, I think sometimes we do first have to get through a bit of self reflection. I realized something about myself, something that, if I allow myself to not let it control me, might actually finally help me manifest what I want successfully. And if this is something you’re resonating with as well, then I hope this message can give you some clarity and encouragement!

For all my life I‘ve considered myself a dreamer, someone who wants it all. I‘ve been daydreaming, planning, preparing and for years I knew exactly what I want out of life. I thought I‘m doing the necessary work by preparing, by making pinterest boards, writing down my affirmations.

The last days something in me finally shifted. Manifestation started to click for me. For years I approached manifestations as an act of „trying“. Of having to do A to get to B. Now I realize that manifestation isn’t a trying process, it isn’t hope, it isn’t about „getting somewhere“. Manifestation is happening NOW. Manifestation is „already having, already being the one who has it all“.

And so I allowed myself to just BE the person who has it all. I allowed myself to shift into the state of the wish fulfilled.

And as many of you, I noticed resistance coming up, wavering, staying stuck in the old story. And for some reason, I noticed I find comfort in that. At first the idea of finding comfort in my misery felt foreign to me. Why would I possibly want to stay in the old story, in pain, if I could live the life of my dreams?
We‘re all different, we‘re all complex beings, so there can be multiple reasons as to why we go back to the old story. Usually it’s because it offers some validation to the pain we’re feeling. Complaining about the old story gives us something we can get validated for.

But my biggest reason for staying in the old story is this:
If I stay where I am, I cannot lose anything. Even if I‘m miserable, at least I cannot get disappointed.

Let me give you an example: the love of my life broke up with me three weeks ago. And even though I‘m heartbroken, devastated and in pain - I feel relief. I don’t have to fear losing him anymore because I already did. Throughout our relationship I was constantly worried he‘d leave me, I was in constant hyperviligance, constant anxiety. Now that he did leave, the fear left too. The pain of fear felt more unbearable than the pain of losing him.

Fear drives of uncertainty, fear drives of the unknown. When we stay in our old story, we get the comfort of already knowing what’s going on. We have certainty.
As much as the situation might hurt us, it somehow still feels safer than what we actually want. Because that requires of us to take risk. To trust. And fear doesn’t want trust, it wants safety. It wants full control.

I visualized having my desired life and a thought popped up: „This is getting too real, I‘m uncomfortable“. It confused me, it confused me a lot. Because my desired life being real is EXACTLY what I want, why would that possibly make me uncomfortable?

Well, because once I AM actually living that life, I can lose it too. There’s nothing to lose if I just stay where I am.

Fear doesn’t want to be blindsided, so it checks for every possible worst case scenario, so we can be prepared, so we won’t end up getting hurt as much.

That’s also one of the reasons why daydreaming is so different from actually manifesting and why daydreaming might even feel better than consciously manifesting:
daydreaming your desired life gives you the comfort and happy feelings without actually having to take a risk. It’s an escape, it’s pleasant, you stay in your comfort zone and might even call it „preparation“.
Conscious manifestation requires of you to already embody the version of you that ACTUALLY has it. And that feels uncomfortable at times, leads to resistance. Because your fear says „wow this is getting too real, are we actually prepared for this?“.

So for those of us with trust issues, those of us dealing with trauma of unpredictable behavior… this might be the reason why staying in misery feels (oddly) safer than actually reclaiming your power.
And as difficult as it might be, to let your guard down, to allow yourself to take the risk.. I think in the end it’s worth it.

Because right where you are, in misery, in the old story.. things might feel safe and familiar but they are still just that: miserable.
Allowing yourself to let go of the old story and manifest your desired life might be scary but it’s only a win situation. In the old story you already lost, in the new story you might actually win.

I‘m still figuring all this out so I‘m not sure if this post will help you as much as I hope. But this realization came to me and I felt the urge to share it. Hopefully this realization can open doors for us where we first locked them ourselves, if we allow courage to be the driver… and not fear. 💛

This is my first post here and I might be all over the place but I hope my message can come through. I‘m not posting success stories yet and whilst manifestation requires of us to „already be in the state of the wish fulfilled“, I think sometimes we do first have to get through a bit of self reflection. I realized something about myself, something that, if I allow myself to not let it control me, might actually finally help me manifest what I want successfully. And if this is something you’re resonating with as well, then I hope this message can give you some clarity and encouragement!

For all my life I‘ve considered myself a dreamer, someone who wants it all. I‘ve been daydreaming, planning, preparing and for years I knew exactly what I want out of life. I thought I‘m doing the necessary work by preparing, by making pinterest boards, writing down my affirmations.

The last days something in me finally shifted. Manifestation started to click for me. For years I approached manifestations as an act of „trying“. Of having to do A to get to B. Now I realize that manifestation isn’t a trying process, it isn’t hope, it isn’t about „getting somewhere“. Manifestation is happening NOW. Manifestation is „already having, already being the one who has it all“.

And so I allowed myself to just BE the person who has it all. I allowed myself to shift into the state of the wish fulfilled.

And as many of you, I noticed resistance coming up, wavering, staying stuck in the old story. And for some reason, I noticed I find comfort in that. At first the idea of finding comfort in my misery felt foreign to me. Why would I possibly want to stay in the old story, in pain, if I could live the life of my dreams?
We‘re all different, we‘re all complex beings, so there can be multiple reasons as to why we go back to the old story. Usually it’s because it offers some validation to the pain we’re feeling. Complaining about the old story gives us something we can get validated for.

But my biggest reason for staying in the old story is this:
If I stay where I am, I cannot lose anything. Even if I‘m miserable, at least I cannot get disappointed.

Let me give you an example: the love of my life broke up with me three weeks ago. And even though I‘m heartbroken, devastated and in pain - I feel relief. I don’t have to fear losing him anymore because I already did. Throughout our relationship I was constantly worried he‘d leave me, I was in constant hyperviligance, constant anxiety. Now that he did leave, the fear left too. The pain of fear felt more unbearable than the pain of losing him.

Fear drives of uncertainty, fear drives of the unknown. When we stay in our old story, we get the comfort of already knowing what’s going on. We have certainty.
As much as the situation might hurt us, it somehow still feels safer than what we actually want. Because that requires of us to take risk. To trust. And fear doesn’t want trust, it wants safety. It wants full control.

I visualized having my desired life and a thought popped up: „This is getting too real, I‘m uncomfortable“. It confused me, it confused me a lot. Because my desired life being real is EXACTLY what I want, why would that possibly make me uncomfortable?

Well, because once I AM actually living that life, I can lose it too. There’s nothing to lose if I just stay where I am.

Fear doesn’t want to be blindsided, so it checks for every possible worst case scenario, so we can be prepared, so we won’t end up getting hurt as much.

That’s also one of the reasons why daydreaming is so different from actually manifesting and why daydreaming might even feel better than consciously manifesting:
daydreaming your desired life gives you the comfort and happy feelings without actually having to take a risk. It’s an escape, it’s pleasant, you stay in your comfort zone and might even call it „preparation“.
Conscious manifestation requires of you to already embody the version of you that ACTUALLY has it. And that feels uncomfortable at times, leads to resistance. Because your fear says „wow this is getting too real, are we actually prepared for this?“.

So for those of us with trust issues, those of us dealing with trauma of unpredictable behavior… this might be the reason why staying in misery feels (oddly) safer than actually reclaiming your power.
And as difficult as it might be, to let your guard down, to allow yourself to take the risk.. I think in the end it’s worth it.

Because right where you are, in misery, in the old story.. things might feel safe and familiar but they are still just that: miserable.
Allowing yourself to let go of the old story and manifest your desired life might be scary but it’s only a win situation. In the old story you already lost, in the new story you might actually win.

I‘m still figuring all this out so I‘m not sure if this post will help you as much as I hope. But this realization came to me and I felt the urge to share it. Hopefully this realization can open doors for us where we first locked them ourselves, if we allow courage to be the driver… and not fear. 💛

I really hope some people here are into mbti‘s. My sp is an INFJ and he likely doorslammed me. ALL INFJs I‘ve ever met said that a doorslam is FINAL and they never let that person in again no matter what. My sp also said his decision to breakup is final, he is completely done with me and he hasn’t spoken to me since. He is a really stubborn person too and once he sets his mind on something he doesn’t go back. Now he’s completely shutting me out, only seeing my bad qualities and the ways I hurt him and completely downplaying our love. I know people say circumstances don’t matter but I just never read any success stories around mbti types like INFJs doorslamming and I am hoping for some success stories here! This way of thinking really keeps me stuck in doubt because I know he doorslammed people before, I know I broke his heart and he’s acting very indifferent. And again, doorslams are very final for INFJs.

I really hope some people here are into mbti‘s. My sp is an INFJ and he likely doorslammed me. ALL INFJs I‘ve ever met said that a doorslam is FINAL and they never let that person in again no matter what. My sp also said his decision to breakup is final, he is completely done with me and he hasn’t spoken to me since. He is a really stubborn person too and once he sets his mind on something he doesn’t go back. Now he’s completely shutting me out, only seeing my bad qualities and the ways I hurt him and completely downplaying our love. I know people say circumstances don’t matter but I just never read any success stories around mbti types like INFJs doorslamming and I am hoping for some success stories here! This way of thinking really keeps me stuck in doubt because I know he doorslammed people before, I know I broke his heart and he’s acting very indifferent. And again, doorslams are very final for INFJs.

My sp and I broke up some weeks ago and I was at fault. My mental health was draining to him and he started to feel depressed too. He’s currently really mad at me for certain things and broke up with me because I drained him. I currently feel the urge to send him a voice note where I tell him that I‘m actively working on myself and where I ask if he sees us meeting up some months into the future to talk and see if maybe he’s willing to try again. Right now it looks like he fully closed the connection but I know he loves me deeply (not just an affirmation, that’s already the case) and I know there was a point in our lives where I made him feel really good. He’s quite stubborn and I‘m not sure if he‘d be open to this in the future so a part of me thinks it’s good to tell him now, so that we can open the door. I know circumstances don’t matter but at the same time I do wanna change things in the current reality to maybe make a better future for us. Simultaneously I know that he might say „no I never want that again, please don’t contact me in the future“ now and that would greatly impact how I could interact with him later. Because if I don’t send this now, I could at least text him in some months but also, if I don’t send this now, maybe in a few months he already closed the door completely.
And I know I can manifest him coming back and wanting things to work out but I feel like it would maybe help if I did something for it too (sending the voice note where I take accountability and tell him I‘m open to try later when I‘m healthier). What are your thoughts on this?

Also, I want to focus mainly on self concept the next weeks. Any advice on that? Part of me still wants to do that just so he wants me back.

My sp and I broke up some weeks ago and I was at fault. My mental health was draining to him and he started to feel depressed too. He’s currently really mad at me for certain things and broke up with me because I drained him. I currently feel the urge to send him a voice note where I tell him that I‘m actively working on myself and where I ask if he sees us meeting up some months into the future to talk and see if maybe he’s willing to try again. Right now it looks like he fully closed the connection but I know he loves me deeply (not just an affirmation, that’s already the case) and I know there was a point in our lives where I made him feel really good. He’s quite stubborn and I‘m not sure if he‘d be open to this in the future so a part of me thinks it’s good to tell him now, so that we can open the door. I know circumstances don’t matter but at the same time I do wanna change things in the current reality to maybe make a better future for us. Simultaneously I know that he might say „no I never want that again, please don’t contact me in the future“ now and that would greatly impact how I could interact with him later. Because if I don’t send this now, I could at least text him in some months but also, if I don’t send this now, maybe in a few months he already closed the door completely.
And I know I can manifest him coming back and wanting things to work out but I feel like it would maybe help if I did something for it too (sending the voice note where I take accountability and tell him I‘m open to try later when I‘m healthier). What are your thoughts on this?

Also, I want to focus mainly on self concept the next weeks. Any advice on that? Part of me still wants to do that just so he wants me back.