u/Iampoorghini

I’m going to try my best to describe the story without being biased, and I’ll keep it as brief as possible.

My wife earns 155k/year, and I earn 140k/year.

I have about 300k in assets, she has about 7k.

She’s lived paycheck to paycheck for years and highly values her financial autonomy, so we’ve been managing our finances independently.

We’re expecting a baby, and looking to buy a home. She’s only able to contribute 5k toward the 85k down payment. Although frustrating, I was already aware that she didn’t have much, and since we’re starting a family, I agreed to pay the remaining 80k.

Now the conflict. I want us to combine our finances so we can save and invest together. We won’t have much left after the down payment and need to aggressively save for hospital bills, a nanny, daycare, etc. She believes that because she earns more, it’s not fair that she has to contribute more. I went furious. I’m clearly contributing much more toward the down payment, and she’s refusing to contribute more to the joint account.

Copying and pasting her text:
“I just don’t agree with fully pooling 100% of income. Routing everything into one account and then giving equal allowance doesn’t feel fully fair to me, especially since our incomes aren’t equal.”

How do I go about this? It’s making me want to terminate the contract we’re in and work on our finances first before jumping in and we got into a serious fight.

tl;dr I’m contributing 90% of the home downpayment but she doesn’t want to contribute more (percentage base) towards joint from her income. What do I do

I’m going to try my best to describe the story without being biased, and I’ll keep it as brief as possible.

My wife earns 155k/year, and I earn 140k/year.

I have about 300k in assets, she has about 7k.

She’s lived paycheck to paycheck for years and highly values her financial autonomy, so we’ve been managing our finances independently.

She’s pregnant, and we’re looking to buy a home. She’s only able to contribute 5k toward the 85k down payment. Although frustrating, I was already aware that she didn’t have much, and since we’re starting a family, I agreed to pay the remaining 80k.

Now the conflict. I want us to combine our finances so we can save and invest together. We won’t have much left after the down payment and need to aggressively save for hospital bills, a nanny, daycare, etc. She believes that because she earns more, it’s not fair that she has to contribute more. I went furious. I’m clearly contributing much more toward the down payment, and she’s refusing to contribute more to the joint account.

Copying and pasting her text:
“I just don’t agree with fully pooling 100% of income. Routing everything into one account and then giving equal allowance doesn’t feel fully fair to me, especially since our incomes aren’t equal.”

How do I go about this? It’s making me want to terminate the contract we’re in and work on our finances first before jumping in and we got into a serious fight.

tl;dr I’m paying majority of the downpayment, but she doesn’t want to contribute more to the joint account because she earns more.