u/I_dont_know71

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I am writing to you for the first time, I have wrote before but I wasn't sure who I was writing too...

Honestly, I am still not sure but that's okay.

I have operated my whole life talking to shadows.

I want to start this letter by acknowledging that I crossed a boundary. As man myself, I was unaware and that was not a direct crossing nor was it intended disrespect. I did not know and when I had a better idea it was a line already stepped over...

I still was not really aware of what was going on until today. The light bulb went off after a couple phone calls and reading a few letters. It made more sense, although I didn't need it to be crystal clear to understand the sentiment.

I appreciate the olive branch and one day we will be able to shake hands in respect. Not to say you owe me anything or it's deserved. I am not arrogant but am I one show disrespect when I am in the wrong. I know you'd shake my hand back or at least I assume considering the values and morals we share are the reason I was heard and given a conversation.

The intent did not match my behavior I can't stress that enough. I don't want to stress anything and I know that won't be taken the wrong way. I have nothing negative to say about you or your family, I never had before and I won't in the future. I can show appreciation for what is, especially coming from where I came in life.

I never thought of myself as a cowboy or a crusader. I didn't even realize that connection because I was blindly longing for my own disconnection. I never intended for my hard words to come off as a threat, because my character has proven in the past that I believe in honor and standing tall.

The misunderstanding was who I was standing for, why I stood up, and that was not me trying to knock you or them. Misrepresentations and ambiguous language is why I hate the internet and having important conversations.

I like to believe if you had been able to make direct contact, firmly shake your hand and you would have heard my tone this wouldn't have dragged into the misconception you were being slighted.

I am upset with myself for that because I genuinely thought the calls were more scams and bill collectors. I should have known when I was never placed on the do not call list.

I am expressing gratitude for extensions I was unaware I was being given and that was in no way an expression of myself as bigger or me looking down.

The friction is unnecessary static and I hate that people so important had to waste their energy on me. I know the resources could be better used and not saying in the confusion proving your point was not important.

That is something I hold close to my heart and honestly I take it as a sign of respect without egotistical undertones but rather expressed genuinely from a position it is mutually embraced.

I would like to believe this can be clear as the misunderstanding it is and I would have never needed any explanation in anger. That's why I never asked, I just hoped for a chance to be heard. Anything prior I hope could be disregarded as misplaced noise into the void.

As for the brief conversation, safe to assume these differences arent differences long term. If there is any thing that needs clarity I am not against speaking to clear the fog.

I have said in the past before and after I realized my mistake that I would take ownership and hold myself accountable for my behavior. I expressed that I was closing my doors and honestly I haven't had much motion in my life to keep going.

I would like to restore the ones I owe without it being viewed as disrespectful. After all I assume it comes back full circle in the end like most things do. That's my honoring my word to them and in turn honoring it to you.

I won't be in lane or in the way, I have been here for 20 years and I've always stood tall. I would request that blessing not because you owe me anything or I deserve any blessings. I would like to think at the end of the day as someone who always showed respect to those in that aspect of life and spent my career representing morals and principles that seemed to fade so long ago it wouldn't be an issue.

I apologize in advance for destroying the bugs in my house and I hope the traps laid outside weren't seen as an aggressive escalation. I know it was seen and I know it was heard, so I feel it would have been more disrespect if I didn't acknowkedge it and I am not offended by the service vans. I can respect that and I knew I was getting service calls I just was not sure from which company.

I wasn't sure what was wrong with my furnace or who to call. I just knew if I had to spend my last birthday on earth I couldn't do it like a coward shivering in the cold.. I cannot express enough that it was not aggression towards you and my late night ride this morning to drop off our mutual friends was not an attempt to escalate the situation. I wasn't sure how or what would happen if I wasn't able to eat breakfast with my diabetic situation.

I am ending this with the utmost respect and if for any reason i need to be reached my contact information and address haven't changed, please feel free to contact me direct.

I am exiting these rooms, acknowledging I entered them when I shouldn't have been here just draining my thoughts. Thank you once again for your time, it is gratefully appreciated.

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u/I_dont_know71 — 4 days ago

Let's shake hands provide clarity and I want to make a mends

I don't want to make mountains out of mole hills and I don't know what you would say I don't want to burn a bridge and if possible I'd like to walk away with out more pain.

I know you see this and Id hate to pretend out of respect.

I don't think you know how far a basic apology goes and I am trying to embrace forgiveness.

I don't want to implode and take anyone and everything with me. You could scrub your past but that what erase what I have and I don't want to spend more energy and time looking into it.

I know there's bugs and plants, that's why I am not worried about what I say because I am not speaking on my leverage to soul.

What's so hard about understanding each other and giving each other a pass, a wash, and one of those mutual respects that gives us confidence?

reddit.com
u/I_dont_know71 — 4 days ago

Friends, my old friends.

I think it's not too late to have a conversation, but I want to have it on my terms.

The spy games don't need to be played anymore.

I have leverage and we both know that's true, but maybe I don't know the full story and maybe I don't even care. Maybe it's all misunderstanding. Maybe it's better called a stalemate.

What happens if I step away quietly and stay out of the way? Would you let me live in peace?

I don't need endless conversations that go nowhere about nothing. I think there should be some respect between all of us.

I am man enough to admit this may not even be my business. I'll make it right if you make it right.

I don't want to ruffle feathers. I don't want war, drama, or destruction. Why not settle the difference and leave it where it stands? Truthfully, I don't even want to know everything anymore. Ignorance is bliss sometimes.

I may hold an ace, but I'm willing to fold my hand and walk away.

Just don't destroy them, and let me live in peace.

Shoot me a message the signal that says lead the way..

reddit.com
u/I_dont_know71 — 4 days ago

Gritting my teeth

My jaw keeps locking, it's hard to speak.

Tightly gripping my teeth,

You can see the tension in my cheeks

Im not grinding or gritting more like flexing every muscle in my face

Look into my dinner plate eyes

Mumbling, incoherent noises for speech

I am exhausted mentally tired yet I can't sleep

Wide awake, focused but I feel like a zombie

Shadow people follow me like I know way

I don't know where to go I am lost like them

Darkness comes down to morning it is what day?

Day three no sleep this jaw is still locked

reddit.com
u/I_dont_know71 — 5 days ago

Thank you for being you

Thank you for coming into my life and being a breath of fresh air.

I feel you suffocating waiting for someone to love you and I hate when you are in pain

Forget about yesterday and the week before it's in the past

Forget about your past love, you have love in the present and I'll be here in the future

Let's worry about our future not who is in your past

reddit.com
u/I_dont_know71 — 5 days ago