u/IAMAWESOMEMAN101

I've wanted to make YouTube videos incorporating my alters. The videos could be about whatever, from venting about my life, to talking about a certain topic, to gushing over stuff I like. But instead of it being a singlet talking about all that, it's a system so you get multiple perspectives in one video. Lots of system youtubers ONLY talk about DID and that's great, but that isn't our whole life. We have a, relatively, normal life too. Interests and dislikes. I want to be myself and for people to see me as I am. Rather, ourselves as we are. Sure, there might be some posts disproving the harmful stereotype myths about DID and plurality cause that's annoying and I want the truth to get out there and getting a following on YouTube could be one way to that solution. But telling people the truth about DID and plurality isn't my only dream. I also want to be seen and accepted as we are.

I've wanted to make videos for a while, but copped out for not wanting to use my voice, not show my face, stay anonymous, not knowing how to make videos. And I've decided, screw it, I'll use my voice, and some simple gameplay in the background. That way, no hassling with text-to-speech, and no worrying about making a video since the video will be right there already made for me, by me. I'll probably talk while gaming so that I don't go off a script and talk how I want without worrying about being perfect, just myself.

Unfortunately I'm a uni student so grades before starting my internet fame (no one's probably even gonna care lol), but I've decided that once I get some free time, I'm gonna try it out. If you've got any advice if you think I'm missing something/not thinking of something, lmk so I can make better videos (again, not that anybody will probably even care lol).

Edit: I just remembered what I forgot to put, any ideas on how to record myself without being heard since I'll be talking out loud would be great, as I dorm at my uni and have a roommate. Maybe asking if I could be alone in the room for a bit could work? Lmk

Our core, and host, our everything, the reason we're here, the one we want to always be there for, made a promising new friendship with someone attending the same uni as us. They were going to meet up, but then we got sick and had to push it back until we got better (our core is a preemie, having been born months early, and is physically weak, taking weeks to get better from a sickness). So, after a week of waiting, and after a month of talking online, our core decided he wanted to tell his new friend about us. He knows how he like to be heard and seen for who we are, not just pretending to be him all the time, and it had been a month of them getting along great. So he told her about us, she said she has an aunt diagnosed with DID and, even tho her and her family keep their distance from that aunt because her system can be difficult at times (from what she made it sound like), she had some experience with DID. Everything was going fine, we were all talking to her and we were all getting along, she seemed happy to learn more about our core and us.

Then, when we woke up the next day and texted her, she didn't respond. We texted her off an on in case she missed the other messages, hoping one of them would give her a notification she'd notice. But she never responded. When we thought about it, she never even appeared online all day. Which was super weird because she'd always respond to us, back when it was "just him" relatively quickly no matter what day it was, even if it took her a while cause she was busy. It's been days, and she still hasn't appeared online, nor responded to us. Our core was having such a good time talking to her, they were such good friends. And we, by existing, seemingly ruined something good he had going.

We're trying not to blame ourselves, trying to think of an excuse of why she isn't responding, or even online. But all we can think is that she's using a new main account (since we apparently don't seem to be blocked on this one, yet she isn't online for days which isn't like her) to let us off easy without having to tell us that she doesn't want to talk to us. We'd rather she tell us she doesn't want to talk to us than leave us in the dark. We'd still blame ourselves, but at least we wouldn't be frantically thinking of reasons why she didn't leave. We like being here to help him, and he likes us here, but we make relationships difficult, and make it difficult for people to stay. When something like this happens we can't help but blame ourselves and live with the guilt.

Maybe she'll respond tomorrow, when we have the same online class, but atp, I doubt it.

UPDATE: SHE RESPONDED 🥳

My roommate is super annoying. I'm quiet and keep to myself so I haven't said anything about it. At first, it was just loud breathing and constant sighing. Being obnoxiously loud for no reason. Then he started smacking his lips in the morning. Then randomly throughout the day. Then started eating in our room, loud as usual. He keeps his side of the room messy. He once kept open the window in rainy 50 degree Fahrenheit weather all night and got me sick, probably getting himself sick too since he's right next to the window. Now, he's staying up late, being loud, on his bright computer. I got sick over the weekend. I get sick easily and stay sick for longer than most people. I want to sleep and recover. I'm very obviously sick with a super runny nose. What did he do earlier? Turn on the ac as soon as he walked in, then left for like 10 minutes. Then came back and just left it on until I left for class. I came back to it off, and everything was mostly fine. Then, as I was about to go to sleep, he turns on the ac, so now it'll be on all night, and starts eating and playing on his computer. All while being super loud of course. I hate him, but I'm too shy to speak up or do anything. I'm clearly sick and he seems to not care about anyone but himself, turning the ac on clearly intending to leave it on all night.

I used to think I have DID, and still kind of think so, and maybe I do, but I claim plurality to show respect to those actually diagnosed with DID. I used to want to get diagnosed for my own sake, to not spiral about really being a system anymore, but not anymore. I've seen a few posts, and met a few systems diagnosed with DID and, I know this doesn't account for everyone with DID, but EVERY diagnosed system I've met up until now have been complete jerks just because they're diagnosed and I'm not. Just because they have a handful of alters and I have almost 100. Just because they don't have many/any fictives and I'm fictive-heavy. I know that you don't have to be what people stereotype you as. Or what you see the majority of people as. I know that from other issues I struggle with. I know the abused don't always become the abuser at all. I know all that. But seeing how awful these people treat other systems/plurals is... I accept myself, regardless if I really have DID or not. I know I, and they, exist. They're here to stay. Just because I'm not diagnosed doesn't mean I'm faking. And I know that applies to all of you too. But if they can't acknowledge that, and if being diagnosed has any correlation with having that ideology against undiagnosed/non-traumagenic/fictive-heavy systems then I don't want a diagnosis. Besides, any system could hypothetically go around looking for a diagnosis and not getting one, and also not giving up until they have one, going around to countless psychologists until they get diagnosed by one in a million. A false diagnosis is always a possibility, technically, in terms of having DID and not plurality. And vice-versa, those with DID can be misdiagnosed and told they don't have it. All that being said, I just don't want a diagnosis anymore. All I want is to accept me, and everyone like me, for who we are.