it's been a couple hours but I still want to be sure incase of anything. I relapsed and have been purging 2-3 times a day everyday for the last week and some but I want to drink lol just scared its too soon after throwing up
sometimes i'm absolutely repulsed by the smell or sights of foods whether i'm in my kitchen getting water, around someone who's eating, or out in public (being at the grocery store and snack isles are the worst) and other times all i want to do is stuff my face knowing i will feel like shit then r/p after. it's so fucking exhausting it consumes me my body my face and food are all i think about all day every day it's been years and i'm still so young. i need to get better for myself and the people i love because these cycles are ruining my relationships with them. i spend hours in the bathroom because i'm stuffing myself then i lie and skip meals as long as i can before it all goes to shit again and repeats. i can't just view food or eat like a normal person and i can't even talk to anybody about it anymore because i recognize it can be tiring to try and help someone who seemingly can't be helped except i really do want to do better i just can't start properly. i hate feeling full i hate knowing there is food sitting in my body i hate not being able to poo for days at a time i hate feeling comfort in being empty and sick i hate struggling with something so embarrassing all alone. i choked on my vomit as it came up and cried my stomach hurts my throat burns i can't believe something this bad is wrong with me