u/HeyMay0324

Hi,

This is going to be long, so if you take the time to read this and advise, thank you so much. My son is five. He is an only child. He is diagnosed with ADHD Combined Type. Since age three, he has made a tremendous amount of progress socially and emotionally. He is kind, helpful, loves to help around the house with chores, a good listener for the most part, all the things. My mother in laws lives directly next door and we have a shared backyard. My nephew is here visiting from out of state and he is staying next door with my mother in law. He is the same age as my son. They were so excited to see each other, hugging and loving on each other. However, I am having such a hard time knowing what is right, what is my son's fault, and how to go about this current extremely stressful situation.

My nephew helps himself to all my son's toys. He will jump in my son's outdoor jeep at anytime, even if my son is not outside with him. He walked into our house the other day without knocking (YES he is five, I know it's not his fault, he needs to be told to knock). My son is willing to share, however, on his terms. He allows my nephew to touch and play with toys but expects him to give them back when he asks, and my nephew will not. He will state, "I am playing with it, go play with something else." This sends my son into an absolute tantrum that I haven't seen since he was a toddler. Screaming, crying, throwing things (he threw his favorite water gun out of anger and broke it and IMMEDIATELY sobbed, regretting it). He says it's HIS house and they are HIS toys and his cousin should follow those rules. My husband is angry with my son, saying that none of his friends are going to want to come over and play if he acts like this.

This behavior has me in tears because I hate to see my son struggle, but I also feel he's being spoiled and mean. I panicked and sent his teacher a message, asking if he is like this in school. She said no, he shares and takes turns and will often initiate sharing himself. She said he navigates it like a typical five year old. He even took one of his most prized toys to Tball practice the other day and gave every kid on his team a turn to play with it. The fact that his cousin is not following "his" rules for his toys is sending him into a spiral and I think it's causing him to regress in behavior. He is snippy with me, rude, quick to anger, and very whiny. I feel like my sweet boy that we worked so hard with is gone because of this cousin visit.

I'm pissed off. I know it's not my nephew's fault. He's five. But he is constantly at our house. My mother in law OFFERED to have him for two weeks knowing that she'd have to go to work.....I'm confused. If you are not able to watch the child, why did you agree to it? She is always asking us to watch him which I feel isn't right. But my husband says it's his nephew and he will watch him at anytime. He's here for two weeks, but his mother (my sister in law) is very..... unique and "impulsive" if you will. She has stated that she'd probably leave her son here all summer if she's able. I will freak the f\*\*\* out if that happens. Am I mean? Am i the wrong one here? Is my son being spoiled and mean? What's right and what's wrong here? I need advice. And how do I enforce boundaries?

Hi,

This is going to be long, so if you take the time to read this and advise, thank you so much. My son is five. He is an only child. He is diagnosed with ADHD Combined Type. Since age three, he has made a tremendous amount of progress socially and emotionally. He is kind, helpful, loves to help around the house with chores, a good listener for the most part, all the things. My mother in laws lives directly next door and we have a shared backyard. My nephew is here visiting from out of state and he is staying next door with my mother in law. He is the same age as my son. They were so excited to see each other, hugging and loving on each other. However, I am having such a hard time knowing what is right, what is my son's fault, and how to go about this current extremely stressful situation.

My nephew helps himself to all my son's toys. He will jump in my son's outdoor jeep at anytime, even if my son is not outside with him. He walked into our house the other day without knocking (YES he is five, I know it's not his fault, he needs to be told to knock). My son is willing to share, however, on his terms. He allows my nephew to touch and play with toys but expects him to give them back when he asks, and my nephew will not. He will state, "I am playing with it, go play with something else." This sends my son into an absolute tantrum that I haven't seen since he was a toddler. Screaming, crying, throwing things (he threw his favorite water gun out of anger and broke it and IMMEDIATELY sobbed, regretting it). He says it's HIS house and they are HIS toys and his cousin should follow those rules. My husband is angry with my son, saying that none of his friends are going to want to come over and play if he acts like this.

This behavior has me in tears because I hate to see my son struggle, but I also feel he's being spoiled and mean. I panicked and sent his teacher a message, asking if he is like this in school. She said no, he shares and takes turns and will often initiate sharing himself. She said he navigates it like a typical five year old. He even took one of his most prized toys to Tball practice the other day and gave every kid on his team a turn to play with it. The fact that his cousin is not following "his" rules for his toys is sending him into a spiral and I think it's causing him to regress in behavior. He is snippy with me, rude, quick to anger, and very whiny. I feel like my sweet boy that we worked so hard with is gone because of this cousin visit.

I'm pissed off. I know it's not my nephew's fault. He's five. But he is constantly at our house. My mother in law OFFERED to have him for two weeks knowing that she'd have to go to work.....I'm confused. If you are not able to watch the child, why did you agree to it? She is always asking us to watch him which I feel isn't right. But my husband says it's his nephew and he will watch him at anytime. He's here for two weeks, but his mother (my sister in law) is very..... unique and "impulsive" if you will. She has stated that she'd probably leave her son here all summer if she's able. I will freak the f*** out if that happens. Am I mean? Am i the wrong one here? Is my son being spoiled and mean? What's right and what's wrong here? I need advice. And how do I enforce boundaries?

This is long, so if you stick with me and give me advice, thank you so much. My husband is somewhere on reddit and I know he posts about our son so he could have very well posted about this, but here I go. Our son is five. Hes diagnosed ADHD Combined Type. However, from age 3 until now he has made huge progress. He is well behaved in stores and restaurants, is a good listener (for the most part) and helps around the house when asked. We live on somewhat of a compound/shared property. My mother in law (husband's mom) live directly next door and we share a backyard. My nephew is visiting from out of state. He is the same age as my son. He is staying with my mother in law next door. The two of them were THRILLED about this. Facetime every day until he arrived, talking about it nonstop. So he's here and while they truly do love each other (constantly hugging and asking to hang out with each other) i feel that my son is truly the issue here and it's driving me to tears because I hate to see him struggle.

Obviously my nephew wants to play with all my son's toys. My son lets him, but he is really strruggling with allowing my nephew his time to play. My son will demand a toy back stating that its HIS toy and HIS house. If my nephew doesn't give it back, my son throws a fit like I havent seen in years. Screaming, throwing himself on the floor, this morning he smashed his water gun on the floor to pieces out of anger and I cried because I haven't seen him this angry since he was a toddler. I panicked and messaged my son's teacher to see if he is similar in school and she responded (which she truly didn't need to since it's the weekend) and she said he is not. He often initiates sharing himself and navigates it well. Not to mention we have a shared backyard, so my nephew is helping himself to all my son's backyard toys. He also comes and goes into our home as he pleases. My son is THRILLED to see him, that's not the issue. The issue is the turn taking and the sharing of the toys and my son wanting things done his way. I'm blindsided because my son took one of his most prized toys to tball practice two days ago and let every single kid have a turn playing with it.

While I know this is a lot for my son who is an only child and is basically watching another kid have free reign over his things, his explosive reaction is SO concerning to me and I feel it isn't age appropriate. My nephew is here for 2 weeks and some change, I'm not going to make it. I know my son needs space, but he doesnt want it! He wants to be with his cousin 24/7 but I cannot deal with the insane tantrums. On top of all this, his behavior has taken a nose dive. He’s whiny, screaming at me, fighting me on everything… my sweet boy is gone and it hurts me. Hpw do I help my son through this?

ETA: I tried the whole "put away the toys you don't want cousin to touch" and my son was putting away his entire playroom into the closet!!! I don't feel like thats fair to my nephew either. I feel like this is causing my son to regress in behavior but I also want him to be a good host and to be willing to share.

This is long, so if you stick with me and give me advice, thank you so much. My husband is somewhere on reddit and I know he posts about our son so he could have very well posted about this, but here I go. Our son is five. Before anyone says anything about neurodivergance, my son has ADHD, he has been diagnosed. However, from age 3 until now he has made huge progress. He is well behaved in stores and restaurants, is a good listener (for the most part) and helps around the house when asked. We live on somewhat of a compound/shared property. My mother in law (husband's mom) live directly next door and we share a backyard. My nephew is visiting from out of state. He is the same age as my son. He is staying with my mother in law next door. The two of them were THRILLED about this. Facetime every day until he arrived, talking about it nonstop. So he's here and while they truly do love each other (constantly hugging and asking to hang out with each other) i feel that my son is truly the issue here and it's driving me to tears because I hate to see him struggle.

Obviously my nephew wants to play with all my son's toys. My son lets him, but he is really strruggling with allowing my nephew his time to play. My son will demand a toy back stating that its HIS toy and HIS house. If my nephew doesn't give it back, my son throws a fit like I havent seen in years. Screaming, throwing himself on the floor, this morning he smashed his water gun on the floor to pieces out of anger and I cried because I haven't seen him this angry since he was a toddler. I panicked and messaged my son's teacher to see if he is similar in school and she responded (which she truly didn't need to since it's the weekend) and she said he is not. He often initiates sharing himself and navigates it well. Not to mention we have a shared backyard, so my nephew is helping himself to all my son's backyard toys. He also comes and goes into our home as he pleases. My son is THRILLED to see him, that's not the issue. The issue is the turn taking and the sharing of the toys and my son wanting things done his way. I'm blindsided because my son took one of his most prized toys to tball practice two days ago and let every single kid have a turn playing with it.

While I know this is a lot for my son who is an only child and is basically watching another kid have free reign over his things, his explosive reaction is SO concerning to me and I feel it isn't age appropriate. My nephew is here for 2 weeks and some change, I'm not going to make it. I know my son needs space, but he doesnt want it! He wants to be with his cousin 24/7 but I cannot deal with the insane tantrums. Hpw do I help my son through this?

ETA: I tried the whole "put away the toys you don't want cousin to touch" and my son was putting away his entire playroom into the closet!!! I don't feel like thats fair to my nephew either. I feel like this is causing my son to regress in behavior but I also want him to be a good host and to be willing to share.

My son turned 5 in December and it was like he walked through a tunnel and came out a new kid. Well behaved, good listener, rule follower, kind words, all the things. I was like YES! We’re out of the trenches!!! Now that he’s getting closer to 5.5 it’s like he’s going backwards through the tunnel. He whines for damn near EVERYTHING. He argues, his energy is insane, he doesn’t listen for shit, the list goes on.

Wtf is happening?