u/Healthy_Yogurt_3393

First, let me preface this by saying that I’ve posted this before. I figured some background is important for those who did not read my original post.

My fiancée and I have been dating for three and a half years and engaged for two of those. She owns the house we live in. We have a great network of friends and family within driving distance. The wedding is completely planned and in one month.

She had decided that she wants to do her masters degree last October…so eight months before the wedding. We had talked about schools that would allow me to keep my job and she agreed to only apply to those schools, including one that is literally 30 mins away from our house currently, but I told her to apply to her dream school even though it would be an inconvenience. It’s only two years, I thought.

She completely ignored all of the other schools, as she was accepted at her dream school first, which is across the country, and for a PhD which is twice as long as what we discussed, back in March…so two months ago. She’s also not even sure if this is the field that she wants to go into. She gave me two weeks to make a decision. I accepted, reluctantly, but within just the past month all of my friends and family have chimed in on the situation, without me asking.

This will be profoundly negatively life altering for me, and there is no compromise. I will need to leave my (incredibly stable) federal job that I’ve been at for five years, as well as all of my friends and family, and apply for a private sector job out there. She will need to move no later than August, and the likelihood of me finding a job out there before then is slim to none. I am also in effect getting kicked out of our current house and will need to rent a room in the interim, as she will be renting it out to another family. She also expects me to pay for my share of an apartment out there as she will be taking a 40k pay cut. She’s taking the dog, my truck, my aquariums, and all of our furniture with her. The dog is legally mine.

So we are getting married in June, honeymoon in July, and bam, she is gone by August.

This entire situation is unfair. I’ve also done the bulk of the apartment searching. She’s doing a second bachelors degree and the bulk of the housework is on me, as well as figuring out the move which I don’t even want to do in the first place.

Obviously, I’m stressed as hell. I’ve been snapping at her and her at me to an insane degree over the last two weeks. I don’t think I’m happy anymore and despite how hard I try, resentment is building.

I think I’m ready to end things, but not sure how to do that when I’ve been seemingly committed despite my gut telling me this is stupid.

Me (29M) and my fiancée (28F) are getting married next month. We’ve been together 3.5 years and have lived together most of that time.

A year into dating, she bought a house and invited me to move in. I did, we felt comfortable, and I got a dog. A year later we got engaged. My family and friends all live within five minutes of us. It’s perfect, and we are very well established in our community.

Our wedding is in June. She had expressed wanting to do a PhD at a school nearby, but it had funding issues but still extended her an offer. She turned it down in February and applied to a school across the country that is better funded and was accepted in March.

We had talked about this, and I helped her do a school search for areas that would allow me to keep my (federal) job. This is THE ONLY school on that list that wouldn’t let me do so. We would be moving in August.

I’ve been trying to look for a job out there since February but it’s NOT in a good job market. Odds are, I would need to temporarily keep my job here while I search for something out there. Obviously, I don’t know how long that will take.

She’s finishing up her current degree right now and I’ve been doing the bulk of the apartment searching out there as she’s busy as hell. She told me that she’d prefer if I cover the majority of the expenses (rent, utilities) for an apartment out there even if we’re apart. She’ll be making $40k as part of her stipend and I’m making $100k where we live currently. If by some miracle, I can keep my current job out there, it would be a $30k pay cut due to locality.

Add to the fact that…she put the house into an LLC so we can rent it out to other people and I would need to find somewhere else locally to live in the interim…as in, I’m getting kicked out. She is taking my truck to move stuff, and is planning on taking the dog with her even if I can’t come immediately.

All of my friends and family, and our current roommate, were absolutely blindsided by this scenario. They’ve all told me the exact same thing…that none of it makes sense, among other things.

So, the situation as I see it:

-fiancée and I are getting married in one month.

-immediately upon getting married, she is moving across country, likely without me, unless I find a remote or equivalent job.

-She will be in a PhD program, so will likely be stuck in a lab for 12ish hours every day.

-she is taking my truck and our (legally my) dog

-I would be paying the bulk of her living expenses, while also in effect getting kicked out of the house we currently live in and would need to pay rent somewhere else.

It just does NOT seem logical or fair to me, or really, either of us, for us to be in this situation especially immediately upon marriage.