My partner (24M) and I (22F) recently had our first threesome with another girl. I’m feeling really mixed about it. Part of me found it very exciting and would consider doing it again, but another part of me feels slightly uneasy and I can’t fully shake it.
EDIT: because I didn’t clarify. We have talked about threesomes before in a fantasy - should we do it or should we not - type context, and I’ve shared I am into the idea. The night we went out I told him I’d be open to him finding another girl provided he ran it by me and that’s what happened he asked me before he connected with her!
It happened pretty spontaneously. We were out at a lounge, and he ended up connecting with another girl there. I was aware of it and chose to let it happen. They were flirting and dancing together most of the night while I stayed nearby but did my own thing and socialized. I didn’t interrupt because I thought it was kind of hot and wanted to see how it played out.
At some point she realized I was his girlfriend, and the topic came up. We had talked about threesomes before as a fantasy, so we decided to go ahead with it that night.
When we got back, things started slow with kissing and touching. I was involved and didn’t feel excluded. There was also some girl-on-girl interaction between me and her, which I actually enjoyed and found exciting. At the same time, I did notice myself comparing my body to hers. She had a different build than me and I think that got in my head a bit, even though I didn’t react to it at the time.
As things progressed, we basically did everything except actual sex. There were moments where we were both focused on him at the same time, and also moments where I stepped back and watched because I thought it was hot. I did communicate that I was okay with that. He still checked in with me and gave me attention throughout, which I appreciated.
Later on, I got too drunk and ended up feeling sick, so everything paused. I kind of passed out, and before that I remember telling them they could continue without me. I later found out that when he walked her out, things got physical again and she went down on him and he finished. When we talked about it the next day, he admitted that she was better at it than me, which made me feel a bit insecure. He also said that part of the excitement with her was that she was new, but that it wasn’t the same as what we have, and that sex with someone you love is different and more meaningful.
Another thing is that they exchanged contact info. He said it was just to make sure she got home safe, but I think it made me feel like I wasn’t fully included in that decision.
Since then, we’ve talked about it a lot. He’s reassured me that I’m his priority and that our emotional connection matters more than anything physical. We’ve also been more intimate with each other since, probably because the experience turned me on and also made me want to reconnect with him.
I’m just confused because:
- I genuinely found parts of it really hot, especially seeing him desired by someone else and still choosing me
- But I also feel insecure now, especially knowing he enjoyed something she did more
- I’m worried that if we take it further and they have sex, he might start comparing and prefer her physically, even if he says love matters more than lust
For people who’ve done this before:
- Is it normal to feel both turned on and a bit unsettled after your first time?
- Do comparisons like this get easier to handle or worse over time?
- What boundaries helped you feel secure continuing something like this?
I want to explore it, but I don’t want to damage my relationship.