Hi 43f spouse 42m ,
Not sure how to type this all out or where to start but really need advice and not sure where to turn.
My partner and I have been together for total 2 decades on and off and its usually over the same reason. My partner suffers from paranoia disorder no medication other then substance use never any street drugs alchool only as far as I am aware. I am guilty of as well as well with only alchool. I have adhd and subsyndromal symptomatic depression i have took medication when needed when I have a flair up , because of false accusations of infidelity I decide to not have friends or have any social life
There are times where I have have been sober with him for 5 years yet he will still accuse me of infidelity then we cave and drink together , and fight but the last few years with sobriety after a fight i feel i just want to get sober and maybe things would be better but it is hard to take time for me im not going to make excuses. So I try for him and me last and sometimes its 2 weeks , 3 weeks , a month or 2.
Lately he has been hanging out with people he knows drinking and stays out all night or comes home in a cab it happens multiple times in a week when im sober. I find my self getting angry because he will take hours to respond to a text from me I know i can call but dont want to impose or make him think he is not allowed friends i get it. Then when he gets home sleeps all day this was yesterday. 2 days leading up to this:
The first night he left I waited up till 130 am ish for a response then i fell asleep. The next day he came home at 8am , I took the car went to the mall or tried to do things I as an individual would remember I liked , but it was so hard to do took me at least 3 hours just to go into a store would sit in parking lot as he was not with me. Then I felt this was not normal it should be ok for me to do this, so I finally went in and bought stuff for him i know he liked and stuff for me like mascara , leave in conditioner and a few healthy foods. I have not took care of my mental health in some time so I really need to start small steps!
Current day he was done work at 4 but still did not say he was coming home until after 6 he works 20 to 30 min away usually how long it takes him. Need to add he will not tell me when he is working until the night before the job. Yet plans days in advance with his partner. I went for a walk today he msgd saying he was coming home and said he can pick me up i said ok and kept updating him where I was after he picked me up he noticed the mascara i put on. When we got home I noticed his attitude changed and then came the false accusations he said baseball sarted today as he thought once i would meet up with a baseball player. So I said that is false he said no fight? I said nope im so tired of going through this. Im starting to feel doubts , anyway he left i did not tell him I had doubts I just said love you have fun. I cant keep fighting I feel all this is crazy and sure I'm leaving details out anyway need some advice as he will be home in the morning and how do I move forward this is someone I love very much!