u/Hatsume_Mikuu

i haven't talked to most of my family since i was 9 (im 17 now), and we just all met up for a few days. my cousin decided to map out mental illness in our family for her medical chart, and every. single. person, excluding 2 uncles has been diagnosed with bpd.

my doctors already suspect i have bpd, and want to get me assessed when im 18, but it just seems so scary. i know bpd isn't bad. my elected uncle has bpd, and he's one of the biggest supporters to me, but its still so scary.

i know like therapy and medication can help, but im already on medication (lamotrigine and sertraline), and ive just got back into therapy, and im not really doing much better. ive just found a few people who wont let me push them away.

its just scary to me to potentially have something i cant fix.

i love my cat so dearly. i could never leave her behind.

i could leave right now. i know enough people to couchsurf, i know the reasources in my area, i know all the legal things, but she is the only thing stopping me.

i cant bring her with me, only one of the potential places i can stay might be ok for her. everyone is either severely allergic to cats, or has other animals that dont get along with cats.

and i cant leave her behind. my mom used to kick our dog, and anytime i sleepover somewhere, when i come home she's skidish and afraid.

i want to leave so badly, everything is so bad, but she is holding me back. i hate resenting her. she is my favorite being on this whole earth, but i need to leave. it hurts so much staying here.