AITAH for distancing myself from my friend after he stayed friends with someone who said the n-word and insulted me over it?
A few weeks ago, I (24F) went out with my close friend, we’ll call him Mark, and his boyfriend, both (26F). While we were out we met someone new who seemed cool at first (25M), we’ll call them Jim. We all exchanged socials and started texting and about two weeks later we hung out with them again in more of a friend group setting. During the hangout, Jim, who is white btw, said the n-word.
I immediately felt uncomfortable, but also stuck because Mark drove us and I couldn’t even Uber bc my keys were in his apt. I told Mark I was uncomfortable and that I didn’t want to continue the night, but instead of saying anything or leaving, he brushed it off and encouraged us to keep hanging out with Jim the rest of the night. When I got home, I blocked Jim because I just didn’t want any type of relationship with him. Apparently I forgot to block him on TikTok though, because later Jim messaged me there trying to justify why it was “okay” for him to say the n-word because of “how he grew up.”
I never even responded to him. In that same message, Jim started insulting me, cursing at me, and generally going off on me, so I blocked them there too. What honestly hurt me the most was my friend’s reaction to all of this. Mark continued staying friends with this person after they not only said the n-word, but then doubled down and started insulting me over it. When I tried explaining why I was upset, he told me things like “it’s between you and them, not me” and “if you were so bothered by him texting you then maybe you should’ve stood up for yourself”.
Now, why would I want to stand up for myself to a person I want no relationship with whatsoever and have no respect for? I just didn’t expect one of my close friends to basically defend the situation or act like it had nothing to do with him when he was the one who brought this person around in the first place. Now things between us are awkward, for obvious reasons, and part of me wonders if I’m overreacting or expecting too much from a friend. But another part of me feels like this is a completely reasonable boundary and that I shouldn’t have to tolerate behavior like that just to keep the peace. Should I even stay friends with my friend or leave the friendship because of this? AITA?