u/Greginaldo

Dday for me was literally 4 days ago. And everything is so confusing. I have lots of trauma from a sex addict father. I always thought I’d just leave as soon as I found out. But I’ve been with my partner nearly 5 years and, other than this, everything was good. And he was always so kind. He still does act kind, he hasn’t blamed me once. But he also knew about my trauma and I told him at the start of our relationship to please just leave me if he was ever going to cheat. So. His cheating has only been with this one specific kink (as long as he’s telling the truth). He’s cheated on me nearly the entire time. I don’t know if I want to leave or stay. I’m making him move out regardless so we have space to process. But I also wonder if there’s a third option. Have any of you become platonic friends with your SA? If so, how did that go?

Tldr: Have any of you broken up with but stayed friends with your SA partner?

Before anything, I’m leaving him. We’re breaking up. I’ve (20sF) been with my boyfriend for nearly 5 years, and I just found out he’s been cheating on me for nearly 4 of them. I found out because he gave me his phone to buy him a present from his wish list. The cheating has been related to one specific sexual act/fetish that I wasn’t doing for him. But I didn’t know he’d go somewhere else for it. He expressed it as an interest, but not a deal breaker. Anyway, what I need support on is even though he betrayed me and I’m so sad, it’s like I still love him. He’s crying, he’s so apologetic, he’s been honest with me about details since I found out. And instead of all the bad moments throughout our relationship, I keep thinking of the good ones. We weren’t perfect, but we were happy and loved each other. I think about the mornings we’d wake up together, cuddling in bed. I think about one day we were traveling in Boston and he was looking at me, with a small smile. And I jokingly asked “are you thinking about how lucky you are to have me?” He said yes. I’m thinking about the way he’d hug me so hard whenever I was upset. How he hates me talking negatively about myself. How kind he is to my family. Ugh!!!! And he’s still acting like his sweet, kind self I thought he was even now that I know about the cheating. I have to leave him, and I will. But we have to live together until he finds a new place. And it’s so hard not to love him still. He’s still him, you know? And we loved each other so much. I still want to spend time with him and comfort each other before he goes. Before it’s all over.

Tldr: my boyfriend has been serially cheating on me for at least 4/5ish years we’ve been together. I broke up with him, we will be separating. But I still love him a lot. How do you stop loving someone who hurt you so much, when they still look and act like the person you’ve always loved?