This feels like a big step in my detransition journey. The thing that’s held me back from donating the clothes already is probably the sunken cost fallacy. But I’ve managed to convince myself that it doesn’t matter, none of the clothes were particularly expensive. I paid for the experience of finding out I’m not transgender, and now my mood is generally improving.
If I hadn’t transitioned then my spiral of anxiety over whether or not I was actually transgender would’ve continued, maybe for the rest of my life. Transitioning gave me a decisive answer: no, I wasn’t transgender. I’m in a better place now I was able to realise that the real problem was undiagnosed OCD amongst other things. I don’t think I would’ve had that perspective if I hadn’t transitioned. And that’s all there is to say, really. Until we meet again, my fellow detransers. ✌️
I find myself constantly evaluating everything that could go wrong if I decide to start transitioning. I don’t need to list them. But it’s super frustrating because I feel like the only way I’ll actually know if I’m transgender or not is to start transitioning, and sit it out for a few months. But I dunno if I’d even be able to keep taking my hormones for all that time. I can totally see myself chickening out like “y’know what? I don’t need this after all”. I’m self-destructive and overthinking. Not fun.
3 years ago I actually got myself onto the waiting list for hormones. And just like I said, I chickened out and asked to be taken off the waiting list. I’m fucking hopeless, man.
Lately I’ve been struggling to get out of bed at a reasonable time (so I have enough time to actually do things in the morning, the whole day isn’t just the afternoon and evening). I wake up, and then lie there for about an hour. Anyway this week I randomly decided to keep a packet of biscuits next to my bed. I’ve started having just one as soon as I wake up, and it helps me feel like the day is starting and I have places to go.
This works for me, I dunno if it’ll work for anyone else but I just wanted to share this little win of mine :)