u/GreekSquirrel

I (F23) am having a wedding soon and sent out save the dates last month. One person (F23) is very, very angry that A) they aren't invited, and B) I didn't tell them they weren't invited. Apparently, they found out through other mutuals that she wasn't invited based on just plain conversation about my wedding.

Well, she reaches out and says she wishes she would've heard this through me instead of through other people and said it made her feel terrible and like I don't care about her. She also said she thought we were close friends, so it hurt extra. She is now telling all of our friends how hurt she is by not getting an invite, even though I explained the situation. We aren't super close anyways. I'm just not sure what the alternative would be and I feel like it would hurt more if I singled her out and said "Hey, BTW, you're not invited to my wedding."

EDIT: I know I say "all our friends," but we are in grad school. There aren't many of us in the cohort and I'm close to only about 3. Those three I would say are mutuals that we have, as she is friends with them (but her and I are not really friends - from my perspective).

Am I seriously in the wrong here for not telling her she isn't invited?

I have a friend who’s very upset they weren’t invited. They found out through other friends, even though all that’s been sent are Save the Dates and we didn’t even have enough for everyone on our original invite list. They kept talking about it behind my back to others and saying they were really mad and sad/hurt about not being invited. They eventually messaged me and said they wished they would’ve heard about not being invited through me instead of through friends. Which I understand the hurt, but I wouldn’t ever say to somebody “Hey, just so you know, you’re not invited to my wedding.”

I have an interesting back story with this friend. And, long story short, we really aren’t super close, they make things about themselves/competitions, and are just in general not a very happy person to be around. I don’t even really classify us as friends.

No matter what I’m saying to them they’re just angry and I worry this is gonna turn into a bigger issue. Any advice on how to respond to their texts about it in a way that isn’t “finger pointy”?