u/Good_Girl8

TW drugs and cancer? (Not sure if that might trigger emotions for anyone..

So long story short I am absolutely awful at picking guys I talk too, from the first one ghosting me after 4 years, the second one leaving me with Stockholm Syndrome after 4-5 years and all my life choices my mom tells me I need to make my own mistakes (I was 14 in the first relationship, 18 in the second relationship)

My life has been up and down and my mom has supported all my bad decisions...I had to learn myself how to grow up and realize I was hurting myself and my life would never get started the way I was going.

My last relationship was a short one...I was naive and the guy knew exactly what to say to get me to move in with him after a few weeks... yes I know see how effed up that is.... but my mom said I should, it was good and im am adult so it's my decision..

A few months in im financially dependent on him, no job and living out of his camper because he believes living in a camper is the new big thing...I got taxes back from the year before abs bought myself a car.... ive never done that before and didn't know better when he convinced me if he paid for my insurance his name had to be in the title... even convinced me to give him the money to pay the guy I bought the truck from.. he started putting his hands on me once in a while, small at first then worse, he would constantly talk down to me, how stupid I was, how my parents never taught me right...

Long story short I left back to my mom and he didn't like that so he kept my car.

My plan was to stay with my mom for a few weeks and then move back home with my dad who said I could stay with him and get my feet planted (he even had a spare car i could use)

But my mom convinced me to stay longer, said she needed help with bills, I got a job and she gave me rides.

Her rent is cheap 750 a month, she also has her own phone bill and car insurance (im on my dad's family phone plan)

I come to find out my mom is not financially responsible one bit, the first few months I actually had to get money from my dad to help with rent because my entire paycheck was around 500, I have my mom 400 and somehow she never made enough for the rest... found out she had been asking my dad for rent money almost every month before I moved in... my dad's too good of a man and despite everything she's done to him he still helps her out...

Right now I've been with my mom for almost 8 months and have absolutely nothing saved up. I dont by myself anything, I get food stamps to help with food but every month she needs help with her bank going into the negative, her forgetting when she gets charged, her signing up for a subscription she can't afford...

I pay for one extra plan and that's internet for the house 25 a month for 4 years then it'll go up to like 50 (that's future me problem)

So my mom's someone who uses others to get what she wants... she doesn't worry about money because she thinks if she can't make enough someone will rescue her... and 90% off the time they do...

I met a guy...different from the others, this one took it slow, hes got his feet planted with a house, he's been teaching me adult things without making me feel stupid, he cares about me... he treats me like my father treated me mother when I was younger...

He had 3 extra bedrooms, actually offered me a bedroom for 300 plus a little help with food and like toilet paper and stuff... his only rule is my mother is not allowed to move in, he says she uses me and takes advantage of me..... dont enough my therapist has been saying the same thing.

My mom is also a long term addict, its not an every day thing but about a month ago I learned she did coke again, she said she's an adult and it's her decision, then found out she's been doing Nos or like whipits? Got pissed at that because I've read how bad those are.

She's not the healthiest person, like she's skinny but her hearts bad and she's had a heart attack before so it passes me off when she does these things. Every time I find out she does something she says "at least it's not this other thing" and tries to down play it...

Now as im planning on telling her I can't keep supporting her because im not going anywhere in life and I seem to be sinking with her.... she gets diagnosed with breast cancer... as her daughter now i can't just leave her but I also dont think I can fully support ask her bills and shit while she's recovering from surgery because they caught it super early..

She said her work is actually going to cover some of her bills but not all of it. I told her while she's recovering she needs to put me on her insurance so I can use her car to work more hours and she actually tried to argue with me...

Im really trying to be supportive for my mother but there are so many things that are pushing me away from her and at this moment I know I can't just leave her...

Another big thing is she lies to our entire family about her situation, saying how great she's doing and how independent she's learned to be.... while I pay for half of her life....

She's even gotten mad when I forced her to call the power company to set up her own bill..

Im so close to calling someone in the family who I know can help... because if I keep helping her I'm going to sink with her....I love her but I want a car...I want to have savings...I want to be able to buy myself a new pair of pants without feeling bad but she buys new fake nails 4 times a month...

Now this whole cancer situation shows up and I can't just leave her so im sticking it out until after she's recovered...

But in this situation how awful of a daughter would I be if I told her she needs to move in with another family member because I cant keep going like this...

Another big thing is her entire family is well off... thats why she doesn't want them to know about her failing, shes been to rehab and they all think shes like 12 years sober except one of my aunts who I am honest with...but she tells everyone how great shes doing and makes up so many excuses, shes even used me as an excuse with my past relationship, saying ahe saved me when I needed help out (she did at the time but now she throws that in my face all the time...)

My dad has offered me to move in but now I feel like I cant leave her because she said I promised to stay and help her, now I know cancer is a bug deal but I still get upset because with everything shes put me through this seems like another excuse shes going to over play to try and get more stuff just handed to her...

I know this post was a lot and I left out a ton of details to make it shorter but im just looking for advice I guess...I have no one but my therapist to talk too about this

(Sorry if anything is spelt wrong or anything, I'm recovering from a respiratory infection and a little out of it from this medication they gave me)

2 year old daughter, normal trait to be body exploring or taught??