I do miss, and love you, that's never going to change, but you know this breakup was about other things as well. I'm so much more at peace now, doing shadow work, and learning that I don't have a few triggers. For me, EVERYTHING is a trigger. This is NOT a character flaw, or a personality trait. This is how I've survived for as long as I can remember. I have never been living a life. I've always just been surviving it. It's exhausting... You treated me as if I weren't any better than your exes. I don't appreciate all the ways you handled me poorly, especially when you know my history. The way I literally had to yell at you for crossing all of my boundaries, as if I wasn't being serious when I set them. Politely at first, but it ended up with me having to scream at you to stop doing certain things that made me extremely uncomfortable, do to my history. You don't listen when I'm trying to ask/give you serious information. Blamed me for my friend getting SA'd. Never trying to help me to regulate or diescalate my rage attacks. You said you wanted to be in a dating relationship, to see how it goes, yet I literally felt like I was doing all the relationship work, I tried to make plans with you, and you assumed I wanted to get some of my things. Now why would I get mad? Because you were definitely not listening to anything I said, and I'm completely done explaining myself to you, or anyone. I don't have to. I ghosted you, because I started to notice your patterns, that were triggering my nervous system constantly. I literally cannot handle that type of stress anymore. I told you, "I can't do this with you anymore." and blocked you out, because you were treating me bad, and then would call me crazy when I would become reactionary abusive. You're not good for me, I'm not good for you. It is, what it is.
u/GlitchObserver
I walked away from our agreement to date again because the communication had completely failed. Living together proved impossible, not just because of our different needs for pets and lifestyle, but because your verbal treatment of me became unbearable. You used threats of the police and hospitalization to control me, and you blamed me for things you don't even have the capacity to understand, including a traumatic event involving my best friend.
Our history since we were 14 makes this even harder to process. The person you became at the end—the one who moved the woman from Texas to my hometown after she caused our first breakup—is not the man I knew for over 30 years. I acknowledge my own cruel words and the pain I caused you; I am truly sorry for that and hold myself accountable. I reacted poorly because I was being verbally attacked, responding with the survival instincts of a child because that's who showed up to defend me.
I am a changed person because of you, and not for the better. I need years of therapy to recover from your intentional cruelty and the trauma you projected onto me. We are done, and I don't need your permission to move on. Keep my name out of your mouth unless you are speaking to a professional, and get the help you clearly need to stop this cycle of hurting people.