u/Gaysage23

This is just a little rant ig, but I love medicine, the human body ect, i think it's all so incredible & as long as i can remember i've wanted to be a surgen or doctor but now i don't ever think i can be. I hate people more everyday i learn what they support by not being vegan, ignorant or uneducated i don't care anymore; i fucking hate humanity and the dream this has taken from me.

(and no I don't want to be a vet spending all day treating peoples meat eating dogs and cats)

I don't know if this is the reddit to post on but i really need some reassurance or advice

I've never been more torn on my appearance before, last week my friend took a candid photo of me, safe to say I did not recognize myself.

I have never thought I was ugly as I did looking at that photo, yet all of my friends assured me that is what I look like to them.. i'm terrified now that what I see in the mirror is just a mental projection of what I want to look like and not the disgusting reality , i'm now faced with.

How can I look so different?? Why is it that my selfie camera seems to distort my appearance to the point I don't recognize myself and it sends to me into a spiral, while what I see in the mirror makes me feel like I belong on vogue. This has me so worked up genuinely been researching plastic surgery, am I crazy??

F18 - Idk if this is the right place to post for a mental issue, but I'm struggling & can't afford to see a doctor that's just gonna dismiss me again;

I've always struggled with staying focused on anything, I haven't finished a book in over 4 years because I procrastinate or just don't have the energy to finish it, no matter how exciting the book is, I also have to eating or playing with something like a rubix cube to watch movies, otherwise I get too distracted & can't enjoy the film-today I decided to finally try read a book & started reading the song of achilles, I had to reread every page twice at minimum. I can stay focused for a moment/ like 5 sentences but then my brain starts thinking of something else & before I can realise, i've finished the page but didn't actually interpret anything & have to restart. I'm so sick of this, why can't I focus?? my mind is always moving so fast it drives me insane. I can never start things on time or focus in class, i've mostly stopped going to class now because I can't concentrate for long & it's so boring i feel like i'm chained to my desk watching paint dry. I still get good marks but it's not because i've paid any attention, I really don't want to continue this cycle at uni, what's wrong with me?? can I do anything to fix it??