Wife divorced me while I’m currently on deployment
(24m)
I’m currently going through a separation for a divorce. My wife filed for separation and started moving her things out while I’ve been on deployment. It all started last year on Valentine’s Day. I planned to take her dinner and buy her a necklace I pre order for weeks. We left the mall after getting her nails done and I snuck off the get the necklace. During the ride to dinner she found out her coworker passed, she was heart broken and was crying. We sat in the car for a while and I asked her if she wanted to go inside still. I generally didn’t know what to do in that moment. That upset her and she said take me home Angered. We got home and she explained that what I did was fucked up and I should have known to take her home. After we got panda. A week later was our anniversary and it was amazing I didn’t think she was still upset about what happened after we got a Airbnb and everything. Some time passes and she goes cold ask to take off our rings because it feels like pressure so I approach her more and that makes her pull away. I asked multiple times is she okay? And she said nothing. She started going to the gym without me and started emotionally connecting to someone. Some time passes and some guy at the gym tells her that the guy she’s been talking to doesn’t want anything to do with her and it breaks her she comes home and tells me everything. I told her that maybe it was for best to get your heart broken to see what you truly have. We talked for a while and I told her we can work on our issue in the relationship. Time goes by and I start getting ready for deployment so I’m coming and going for 6 months straight she notices that she misses my presence. I come home for a month before I finally leave for deployment and then we go on cabin trip it was great. I leave for deployment and got pulled away from therapy so my anxiety was pretty bad. We talked a lot but I never felt trust worthy after that. I would check locations and everything constantly because I never felt she truly meant she was sorry. She never sent me a care package during the deployment and I’ve asked multiple times. She said she forgets and is tired when I have made time to call in the middle of my sleep because it was the best time. I come back home and what was good and one day she had therapy and she asked if I wanted to lift with her and she was very happy after I tried to have sex in the shower she said no and I pushed a little harder she gave in and after she was upset that I didn’t respect her no. I left for deployment again and she said I have until the end of deployment to figure myself out. Once I left she started planning to move out and file for divorce. She never tried to show me she loved me while I was struggling mentally on the boat she was having fun and going out and if I tried to get reassurance it got shut down due to me being needy and her not being my emotional support. Her friend is divorced as well and has boyfriends constantly. Her ex husband apparently cheated on her but I never heard it from him I trusted my wife’s words and lost a good friend for my wife. My wife hasn’t bought me a gift besides Christmas and my birthday in a long time. A couple months after Valentine’s Day we went to a concert and we were taking pictures. A random came up and said those pictures suck and it made her feel shitty I seen this and covered for her telling our friends I ready to head home without making her feel ashamed. She told me I need therapy and I went and it helped a lot . I got her a avoidant attachment book and me an anxious and I told her I need her to read it while I’m away I came home and she never read it. She hasn’t actually tried to right her wrongs and comfort me. She started stone walling me a couple weeks and ago and I could tell. And I asked her 4 days ago if she wanted to be married still and she said yes and no. I told her what I needed out of her to also heal my anxiety and then 4 days later I told her I haven’t seen a change and pretty much I’m broken wha ever you want to take with this relationship I’ll act accordingly. She called me that day saying I’m moving out and filing for divorce. And the reason what’s Valentine’s Day a year ago. We talked and she said I was an amazing husband for all I have done. We ended the calling saying good bye