u/FunctionImaginary766

ok so i feel a little weird posting this but here goes 😅

after my second i just felt off. not like mentally or anything, more like physically i just didn't feel like ME down there anymore. dry, kind of uncomfortable, a little disconnected if that makes sense? hard to explain to anyone who hasn't felt it

went to my ob twice. both times everything came back totally normal. she was sweet about it but basically said it was hormonal and to give it time

so i gave it time lol. like a lot of time. over a year.

and then one night i just fell down a rabbit hole reading about how the environment down there actually works and something clicked that nobody had ever told me before. like genuinely never. and things slowly started to shift after that

i don't want to make this post too long but i'm curious — did anyone else go through something like this after having kids? like feeling off but having no "diagnosis" to point to? what helped you?

asking because i feel like nobody talks about this and we all just suffer in silence 😭

This is probably going to sound ridiculous but bear with me.

My kids were gone this weekend and I had the whole house to myself for the first time in... I genuinely can't remember how long. And I just froze. Like I stood in my kitchen at 9am with my coffee and had absolutely no idea what to do with myself.

I ended up walking around my neighborhood here in Dallas before it got too hot, came back, sat in my little garden for two hours doing absolutely nothing. Just watching my tomato plants. Listening to birds. Drinking my second cup of coffee slowly for once.

And then I cried a little. Not sad crying. Just like... relief crying? Like something in me finally exhaled.

I'm 39 and I think I forgot what it feels like to just exist without a list of things to do. I kept picking up my phone to check something and putting it back down. Kept thinking of laundry. Kept almost texting someone.

But I didn't. I just sat there.

Does anyone else feel weirdly guilty when they actually rest? Like you have to earn it before you're allowed to just be still?