Where I come from it’s legal to have a beer if you are with a parent. So when I was 17F, I was sitting in my car, listening to some tunes and smoking the devil’s lettuce when my dad texted me. He wanted to see if I wanted to join him for a beer at the brewery. I said “absolutely, be there in ten minutes”.
So I get to the brewery and sit next to my dad. We drink a beer and chat for a little bit when my coworker Ben, 20M, shows up. He sits down next to me, smiles and says hi. I choked on my beer a little and said “hi, what are you doing here?” and he said my dad invited him. My coworker Ben had “accidentally” sent me a dick pic…twice. Then my dad said “Ben! Glad you could make it! Do you two know each other?” I told my dad that Ben and I worked together. My dad went on and on talking to Ben about basketball as I sipped my beer thinking “good lord, at least this couldn’t get any weirder.”
Then a few couples joined our table and my dad said that was his cue to go over to chat with some friends of his at another table. I asked him what he meant and who all these couples were and he said that my stepmom Sherri had joined some sort of business and wanted to sell to them. Then he left to go chat with his friends as Sherri handed out a catalogue to each couple plus Ben and I. Ben and I smiled awkwardly at each other and started flipping through the catalogue pages.
The first pages were for perfumes and colognes. Next pages were for lotions. Flip to the next page and it’s massage oils. Okaayy… flip to the next page and it’s a lot of different lubes. Lubes that have different smells or different flavors, lubes that give you a hot sensation, etc. that’s when I started wondering what exactly was this MLM. I turn the next page and it’s dildos. So. Many. Dildos. Some big, some small, some double sided, some glow in the dark. Next pages are for vibrators. Again some are big and some are small, some are shaped like animals - like dolphins, and all of them came in your choice of color.
I closed the catalogue and tried to focus on my beer. But Sherri said “No, OP, you’ve got to see the cute and funny stuff at the back of the catalogue.” She then grabbed the catalogue Ben and I had been sharing, flipped through to the back and slid the catalogue back to us. It was dick shaped candies, dick shaped key chains, dick shaped water bottles, etc. I laughed awkwardly and said “haha no thanks, I’m good.” I tried to focus on my beer once again but then Sherri shook her head and said “Oh come on OP, don’t be shy! I actually got all the girls a party favor for tonight. And it’ll be in everyone’s favorite colors!” She proceeded to pull out dick shaped water bottles. She handed out a lime green penis water bottle, an orange penis water bottle, and a hot pink penis water bottle that she put in front of me. This hot pink penis shaped water bottle was massive, very thick around, veiny, had a white straw coming out the tip, and my name written in marker across the balls. Once the shock of that wore off I thought “oh good, at least now I know it can’t get any worse.”
I closed the catalogue again, slid it over to Ben and said “you can look if you want.” He laughed a little and said “yea, maybe I’ll take a look at the colognes.” Then Sherri said “OP.” I said “…what?” Sherri gave me a very pointed look and said again, “OP. Come on.” I just shook my head, drank my beer, and thought man, this beer is not worth this. Sherri said “how long, OP, how long has it been?” She was slurring her words and leaning to the point of almost falling off her chair. I shook my head and said “no way am I having this conversation.” She said “oh come on OP, it’s just sex. We all do it. This catalogue can really spice things up for any couple or make for a really steamy one night stand.” I nodded my head and said “alright, I’ll see you later.”
My dad noticed that I was getting up and leaving so he came back over to the table to say goodbye. I hugged him and tried to hurry out the door but then I heard Sherri say “hey, stop her, she forgot her party favor.” Then my dad holding up the hot pink penis shaped water bottle and shouting for the whole brewery to hear, “hey OP, you forgot your…wtf is this?” I doubled back, grabbed the penis water bottle, said “thanks” and left.
I think I still have the water bottle around here somewhere. I’ll update with a photo of it if I can find it.