i always think of talking with someone irl or online, but when im already in that situation i couldn't say things to make the convo to continue without me being dry. i guess im too worried on my words, maybe im too basic or it's just i don't socialize enough leading me struggling to make conversation. just a thought i always remember when im craving for human connection.
week ago i almost kiII myself. things are prepared. but when i am about to do it i pause. i sat on the floor, breathless, mind spiralling. half hour later my family went back home. i sat there at the living room pretending im fine. until now i still regret not continuing, i thought it's easy once im already at that position. but i still don't have the guts to do what i've been thinking of. tonight is nothing special, however, i should say its much more heavier. that specific afternoon is still replaying on my mind. i don't even have tears left to cry. i don't know what to do and i don't want to do anything at all at this point. i couldn't suppress this shitty feeling anymore.