I’m a first time mum to twin boys. They’re currently 4.5 weeks old (1.5 weeks adjusted) and we’ve suddenly hit an extremely fussy phase that has completely turned things upside down.
Last week they started straining, crying, grunting and seeming really uncomfortable whenever trying to fart or poop. I initially thought it was a formula issue and switched formulas, but after researching more I think it may actually be infant dyschezia.
Before this, I could usually do one contact nap to help regulate them and then they’d settle okay in their bassinets. But now they basically refuse to be put down at all during the day. The second I put one down, they wake up crying and quickly become inconsolable.
I’m alone with them during the day and finding it incredibly hard to manage both babies when they both only want to sleep on me. We do have a cleaner who helps daily with laundry/dog walking/cleaning, and we have a night nurse twice a week so I can get two proper nights of sleep, but otherwise childcare is completely on me.
Today the night nurse told me I’m “letting them contact nap too much” and that’s why they now refuse to be put down. But I genuinely *do* try to put them down. It’s just that they escalate so quickly and then I end up with two overtired screaming babies and no way to settle both at once.
I honestly don’t know what to do. I don’t have family nearby, my mum passed away when I was a child so I don’t really have that maternal support person to ask these questions to, and no one I know has twins while also being the primary caregiver all day.
Am I actually creating bad habits at this age? How do you teach newborns to tolerate being put down without everyone losing their minds? Is this just a phase/developmental leap/gas thing? I’m finding this stage really hard at the moment and could really use reassurance or practical advice from people who’ve been through it.
u/Frosty_Rabbit2734
I’m a first time mum to twin boys. They’re currently 4.5 weeks old (1.5 weeks adjusted) and we’ve suddenly hit an extremely fussy phase that has completely turned things upside down.
Last week they started straining, crying, grunting and seeming really uncomfortable whenever trying to fart or poop. I initially thought it was a formula issue and switched formulas, but after researching more I think it may actually be infant dyschezia.
Before this, I could usually do one contact nap to help regulate them and then they’d settle okay in their bassinets. But now they basically refuse to be put down at all during the day. The second I put one down, they wake up crying and quickly become inconsolable.
I’m alone with them during the day and finding it incredibly hard to manage both babies when they both only want to sleep on me. We do have a cleaner who helps daily with laundry/dog walking/cleaning, and we have a night nurse twice a week so I can get two proper nights of sleep, but otherwise childcare is completely on me.
Today the night nurse told me I’m “letting them contact nap too much” and that’s why they now refuse to be put down. But I genuinely do try to put them down. It’s just that they escalate so quickly and then I end up with two overtired screaming babies and no way to settle both at once.
I honestly don’t know what to do. I don’t have family nearby, my mum passed away when I was a child so I don’t really have that maternal support person to ask these questions to, and no one I know has twins while also being the primary caregiver all day.
Am I actually creating bad habits at this age? How do you teach newborns to tolerate being put down without everyone losing their minds? Is this just a phase/developmental leap/gas thing? I’m finding this stage really hard at the moment and could really use reassurance or practical advice from people who’ve been through it.
Hello everyone,
I understand you begin trying to get your little one to sleep starting 12weeks onwards. From your experience did you have more success when you tried sleep training at chronological age or adjusted age?
I plan on trying to teach them to self soothe to sleep during day time naps (the whole putting them down drowsy but awake) and once they’ve mastered this moving onto doing it at night. So I can minimize tears and they feel comfortable self soothing and putting themselves to bed.
Any other advice is also greatly appreciated.
Hi everyone 👋
FTM here to twin boys who are 3.5 weeks old (about 5 days adjusted). I’m a SAHM and my husband has just gone back to work, so it’s me solo with them during the day and I’m definitely feeling it 😅
I’m trying to keep them on roughly the same schedule (within ~10 mins of each other) but I’m really struggling with soothing and settling them after feeds. It feels like at any given moment, at least one of them is unhappy and needs me.
A few things about what we’re currently doing:
- Formula feeding
- Loosely following a Moms on Call–type schedule
(9am, 12pm, 3pm, 6pm, 9pm + overnight feeds around 12/1 and 4/5 depending on when they wake)
- If they wake soon after a feed, I try to soothe with a pacifier and resettle them until it’s closer to the next feed
The pacifier sometimes helps, but neither of them can really keep it in yet, so I feel like I’m constantly popping it back in 🫠
A couple of things I’m unsure about:
- My SIL says babies should be “milk drunk” and pass out right after feeds, but mine often don’t. It makes me worry I’m not feeding enough…
- But when I do increase the amount, they spit up more or get really gassy and fussy
- My pediatrician even said we are overfeeding (around 65ml over a 24hr period), but they’re only ~3kg so I’m not that worried about them gaining excess weight, more about them being uncomfortable and gassy.
Also - I’ve seen advice about putting babies down “drowsy but awake” to help them learn to self-settle… but is that even realistic at this age?? When I try, they just fully wake up and get more upset, and it takes even longer to calm them.
Would love to hear:
- How did you manage soothing/settling twins in those early weeks?
- Did you keep them strictly on the same schedule or stay flexible?
- Any tricks for pacifiers (or alternatives)?
- And did your newborns actually pass out after feeds, or is that a myth 😅
Honestly just looking for reassurance and any practical tips - this stage feels like constant triage right now.
Thank you 🙏