I'm currently in my early teens, let's start from my childhood. I was a kid that loved exploring life and observe everything around me from the start, i was very sensitive when I was younger, but my childhood was very complicated. I saw domestic violence happening in my home since 3 or 4, I never knew why everything around me was happening at the first place. I saw my mom sleeping differently, sometimes on the floor with mattresses and everything when my father used to sleep on my bed whenever they used to get in a fight. They used to fight every other month and I was the child they used to vent their anger on both mentally and physically. They used to fight when we were in bed, eating, just everything u can say atp. My father wanted a perfect child which I unfortunately am not and my mother always complained that she wanted a girl not a boy. So this was basically a regular thing and I was 7 years old when I was hit with the "they are gonna divorce" wave. Lemme give you the scenario of what was happening. My parents are fighting again, this time it's too much, they wanna divorce, now this 7 year old is getting told that you will have to get in court and you will say that you "want to be with your father" if you want a bright future ahead in a rich household and get a lot of toys, when I asked him what about mumma then he Said you'll get a new mother. On the other hand my mother is telling me that some police officers will come and take you to the station and you will just say that you want to be with your mother and not your father. All these things are and told to a fuqin 7 year old and now that 7 year old goes to his grandmother and aunts for advice on what should he do cus he's clueless and they are saying me to tell them that I wanna live with both of them and nothing less. Many things happened but they ended up not getting the divorce after all. Now again same shit different day. Now I'm in my not even my mid teens and I wanna just go Outta this house. My father always tells me to get the best marks, do whatever he says, ask like he says, walk like he says, eat what he says, say what he wants me to say and just a fuqing robot you can say atp. I feel trapped, like in a prison. He was the smartest in his childhood academic wise and I'm not the same, I love creative things, i play 2 instruments professionally, and other 4 as hobbies. I know editing a lot, I love singing, i sketch now and then, I love researching on everything possible cus why not. But he doesn't wants a creative child, he wants a child that makes the most money and just makes his parents PROUD. As you can clearly see, I failed as a child in his terms. He always taunts me saying how dumb I am and a disgrace very regularly since my childhood. I tried committing s\*\*cide the first time I was 9, then I tried again and again maybe more than 20 times now since then haha. Idk what I did to deserve all this, win the sperm race? I wish I didn't. Now I am in the last few years of my school life and now he's saying that studying is your prime focus and all the other things are not, leave them if you have to idc. Yk he never asked why I play all these things, learn everything and research about random things for days. It's to escape my life, escape the fact that I'm such a failure acording to him, escaping from all this pressure and misery I've been facing since childhood. He never tried to understand me, he always says that I bought you this i bought whatever you needed but I never heard him saying I gave a shoulder when needed, I never heard him say I supported you mentally when you were at your lowest. haha fun fact, he is the reason I got into my lowest at the first place, ironic. I always cried alone, never shared my feelings with anyone till now tbh. It's not like I didn't wanted to or never had anyone to talk too, I have amazing friends but it's just that I never wanted to be the burden friend that always ruins the mood by talking about his feelings, I want to be the friend that listens, the one I was never confident enough to make someone. Now I'm not suicidal anymore, yes I always feel like dying and say things like I wanna die, but it's just that I wanna escape, escape this traumatic life. I want to travel, see the world, help people. I love my father i truly do, i feel he has worked hard to make me a house with a few floors so that I can live off of rent if I don't have any money or as he says, but I never wanted his money. I wanted a father, not a drill sergeant. I wanted a life where I could tell my father what I was feeling and not a subreddit. But here we are haha. Once I get into college I will get out of this house and never come back, I'll change my number, cut ties with everyone I hate and love. I'll start a new life. I will be either free, or dead. Thanks for reading my friend that I'm gonna never meet! Hope you have an amazing year and achieve all your dreams ❤️🙌🏻
u/FrostyLocal4928
I'm currently in my early teens, let's start from my childhood. I was a kid that loved exploring life and observe everything around me from the start, i was very sensitive when I was younger, but my childhood was very complicated. I saw domestic violence happening in my home since 3 or 4, I never knew why everything around me was happening at the first place. I saw my mom sleeping differently, sometimes on the floor with mattresses and everything when my father used to sleep on my bed whenever they used to get in a fight. They used to fight every other month and I was the child they used to vent their anger on both mentally and physically. They used to fight when we were in bed, eating, just everything u can say atp. My father wanted a perfect child which I unfortunately am not and my mother always complained that she wanted a girl not a boy. So this was basically a regular thing and I was 7 years old when I was hit with the "they are gonna divorce" wave. Lemme give you the scenario of what was happening. My parents are fighting again, this time it's too much, they wanna divorce, now this 7 year old is getting told that you will have to get in court and you will say that you "want to be with your father" if you want a bright future ahead in a rich household and get a lot of toys, when I asked him what about mumma then he Said you'll get a new mother. On the other hand my mother is telling me that some police officers will come and take you to the station and you will just say that you want to be with your mother and not your father. All these things are and told to a fuqin 7 year old and now that 7 year old goes to his grandmother and aunts for advice on what should he do cus he's clueless and they are saying me to tell them that I wanna live with both of them and nothing less. Many things happened but they ended up not getting the divorce after all. Now again same shit different day. Now I'm in my not even my mid teens and I wanna just go Outta this house. My father always tells me to get the best marks, do whatever he says, ask like he says, walk like he says, eat what he says, say what he wants me to say and just a fuqing robot you can say atp. I feel trapped, like in a prison. He was the smartest in his childhood academic wise and I'm not the same, I love creative things, i play 2 instruments professionally, and other 4 as hobbies. I know editing a lot, I love singing, i sketch now and then, I love researching on everything possible cus why not. But he doesn't wants a creative child, he wants a child that makes the most money and just makes his parents PROUD. As you can clearly see, I failed as a child in his terms. He always taunts me saying how dumb I am and a disgrace very regularly since my childhood. I tried committing s\*\*cide the first time I was 9, then I tried again and again maybe more than 20 times now since then haha. Idk what I did to deserve all this, win the sperm race? I wish I didn't. Now I am in the last few years of my school life and now he's saying that studying is your prime focus and all the other things are not, leave them if you have to idc. Yk he never asked why I play all these things, learn everything and research about random things for days. It's to escape my life, escape the fact that I'm such a failure acording to him, escaping from all this pressure and misery I've been facing since childhood. He never tried to understand me, he always says that I bought you this i bought whatever you needed but I never heard him saying I gave a shoulder when needed, I never heard him say I supported you mentally when you were at your lowest. haha fun fact, he is the reason I got into my lowest at the first place, ironic. I always cried alone, never shared my feelings with anyone till now tbh. It's not like I didn't wanted to or never had anyone to talk too, I have amazing friends but it's just that I never wanted to be the burden friend that always ruins the mood by talking about his feelings, I want to be the friend that listens, the one I was never confident enough to make someone. Now I'm not suicidal anymore, yes I always feel like dying and say things like I wanna die, but it's just that I wanna escape, escape this traumatic life. I want to travel, see the world, help people. I love my father i truly do, i feel he has worked hard to make me a house with a few floors so that I can live off of rent if I don't have any money or as he says, but I never wanted his money. I wanted a father, not a drill sergeant. I wanted a life where I could tell my father what I was feeling and not a subreddit. But here we are haha. Once I get into college I will get out of this house and never come back, I'll change my number, cut ties with everyone I hate and love. I'll start a new life. I will be either free, or dead. Thanks for reading my friend that I'm gonna never meet! Hope you have an amazing year and achieve all your dreams ❤️🙌🏻