u/Free_Prior5026

My heart is hurting. This is a relationship I thought would last. I planned a future with him.

We’ve had our ups and downs. But I’m choosing to look back with fondness. This breakup is really amicable, and I’m honestly disappointed. I think my mind was made up going into the conversation and we’ve had some really beautiful nights leading up to this, but he’s actually in the same spot as I am.

I can’t lie and say there isn’t still a burning desire that he’ll tell me he loves me too much to say goodbye and we’ll both change our minds and I don’t have to move out. But he seems to have already accepted this. I’m still in denial, I can’t imagine calling this relationship history, or calling him an ex. How the hell do I even treat him like one? I’ve never seen him in any other context.

We decided to make the last few days count. We’re going on dates. Getting matching tattoos and crying. A lot. But I can’t actually comprehend that this is over.

I’m really angry at him. I gave him everything he needed to be the right guy for me and in the end it wasn’t enough.

Okay so here’s the situation.

I (24F) recently got an apartment with my boyfriend (28M) and his sister (24F). We were all a friend group and to be honest, her and I were best friends. We moved in together 6 months ago, we are all on the lease and pay equally.

It was going great until around 2 months ago. It was the week of my birthday and I had invited my boyfriend (we’ll call him John) and his sister (we’ll call her Jane) out to dinner at a place Jane had never been before. It’s one of my favorite restaurants and I was excited to celebrate with loved ones. We scheduled the dinner for the Thursday before my birthday since I work everyday and often have side hustles going on after my day job. This is important.

So Thursday rolls around and I’m excited to go out to dinner, literally thinking about it all day. As soon as I get out of work, I get a call from John, the conversation goes something along the lines of this:

John: Hey, are we able to reschedule dinner tonight for tomorrow?

OP: No, I can’t do that, I have *insert side hustle here* going on.

John: What about the next day?

OP: No, that’s my birthday, I work all day and you and I are doing something.

John: When Can you reschedule for?

OP: I can’t really, this is the only day until mid next week I’m available. What happened, is everything okay?

John: Yeah, Jane is just doing laundry and cleaning and we were wondering if we could just do dinner here tonight.

OP: Really?? Um, no I wanted to celebrate my birthday with you guys and I was really excited to go out tonight. If you’re not feeling it, I’ll ask another friend to go instead.

John: What if I make you dinner?

OP: No thank you, it’s whatever I’ll just call *friend*

So I had a small errand to run between work and dinner, so I called my friend to see if she wanted to go out with me but she had plans. Nbd. I considered going alone.

While I’m out, this text exchange happens between Jane and I.

Jane:

Hey I heard the end of your convo with [john] and if you would rather go out with [friend] instead that’s fine with me. I was just seeing if we could do tomorrow instead bc I’ve been doing laundry and cleaning and I have work at 8 tomorrow. I didn’t mean to upset you with asking that.

OP:

You didn’t upset me, [friend] can’t so I might just go out by myself. I don’t have any other day available this week and I just wanted to show you how great Kobe is tbh. But I was also hoping we could all go out and celebrate my birthday.

Jane:

That’s fine I was planning on going out tonight with you because I wanted to celebrate your birthday but that really didn’t sit right with me the way you said whatever I’ll just call [friend]

OP:

I just want to be honest with you. I’m still a little hurt, mostly because it felt like laundry and cleaning were being put above coming to my birthday dinner. I know you didn’t mean it that way, but it made me feel kind of unimportant in the moment. I really was looking forward to celebrating with you. Of course I understand if you have an early morning, but I wish it would have been said earlier rather than right before our plans. It just felt last minute.

I didn’t get any response.

At this point I felt defeated, so I decided to cut my losses, go home, and not make it into a bigger deal. I’ve been disappointed on/around my birthday before and this was no different. I’m usually a pretty stubborn person but I try to forgive easy when it comes to people I care about.

So I get home and walk up to our apartment door and I can hear shouting from inside. Confused, I walk a bit closer and put my ear to the door and hear Jane, in the apartment, very loudly ranting about me.

“it’s not even her birthday! I can’t believe she said she feels ‘unimportant’ that’s so annoying, Im gonna confront her when she gets here I’m so over her I can’t believe she would say that!”

So I stand out there for like 2 minutes just listening and once I’ve heard enough I opened the door and said “yeah… I’m going to my parents house, but you guys have a good night don’t let me interrupt.” And I slammed the door and walked out to my car.

Sarah came after me trying to explain, but I told her I didn’t want to get into it right then because it felt really messed up.

She brought up something I apparently said a few weeks ago that bothered her, which honestly just threw me off. I didn’t see how that had anything to do with what was happening in the moment. From my perspective, I had been excited about my birthday, I picked that restaurant because she’d never been, and I was looking forward to going together. So hearing that she wanted to postpone over something like laundry just felt really inconsiderate.

What also bothered me was that John didn’t say anything or step in at all, which made it worse for me.

At that point I was over it. I told Jane to let John know I wouldn’t be coming back to eat the dinner he made, and I just went to my parents’ house.

Since then a bit more has happened but I won’t give details about her to protect her privacy. I said something that really upset her a few weeks prior to this incident. Which I did apologize for. But I don’t feel like it provides reason to act like this. I wish there had been better communication in the moment because this felt like a lash out.

She spoke to John, who asked if she would want to be my friend again if I wanted it. And her exact words were “I can be her roommate”

Since then we haven’t spoken and we walk around each other. It made me sad at first but now it makes me angry. I refuse to live with someone who would be okay talking about me that way. Someone who would have that large of an emotional response to me being sad that she wouldn’t prioritize my birthday.

It kills me inside because although John and I have had issues, like any other relationships have, I deeply love him. We’ve been together for 5 and a half years. I just can’t live in this place anymore.

I’m sorry, I know this is a long read, but any thoughts help.

TL;DR - I had a falling out with my boyfriend’s sister and now I want to move out of our shared apartment.