u/FreeCollection6957

i currently live in a dorm with three other people. two of them are dating (wlw) and talk insanely loud and have zero inside voice nor sense of shame because they would randomly argue, start yelling and cursing at each other in the middle of when someone is asleep, and also get physical. they claim it’s “embarrassing” but make zero effort going outside and continues to fight inside the room. the other one once stated clearly that she didn’t care if people were asleep.

the other one’s voice is just so loud and booming i don’t think she’s capable of whispering because when she does, you can still hear what she’s saying. plus when she’s walking she just drags her feet across the floor and it sounds annoying and those little things just slowly started to irk me.

i snapped today (not in an aggressive way but maybe a bit too hostile for my liking since i’m generally composed) and i feel guilty about it. it’s not like i said something terrible, simply, “i’m trying to sleep here. when you guys are asleep, you demand silence, but when someone else is asleep you’re always free to be as loud as you want?” but i still feel incredibly guiltyl lol

i have this “bestfriend”. we've both known each other since we were in kindergarten (we’re both 23 now).

i don’t know when it started but i think it did when i started noticing that i was the one always reaching out to my bestfriend first, and she would only come to me whenever she and her boyfriend (whom she met through me. he’s my friend) are arguing/not okay. she would ghost me the second they’re okay, but whenever i’m the one who needs someone, she’s never there for me, never responds, nothing.

i had already mentioned this to her before because i’ve always been someone who communicated my thoughts and she just kept apologizing but kept doing the same thing over and over again. i was getting really fed up because i felt like she was only keeping me around simply for convenience.

she never texts first, never asks me how i’ve been doing or how my life has been lately. when i achieve a milestone in life, she gives the littlest energy to me whereas when she achieves something, i’m so so happy for her. like this one time i got accepted for a job abroad and her only reaction was “oh woww” and she never brought it up again. i just think it’s weird??

disappointed was what i felt the first time but then it slowly turned into resentment towards her. how can you declare yourself as my bestfriend when you don’t even know a single thing going on in my life lately and you never bothered to ask

lately i’ve been so exhausted with everything. i don’t know what i want to do in life and i’ve always just blindly followed what others think is best for me but always end up being burnt out. i don’t know when i started feeling this way. i sought help last year and was diagnosed with major depressive disorder with psychotic features, ptsd, and elevated levels of anxiety. i feel like a burden to my grandparents who are paying for my therapy because no matter what happens i just can’t seem to get out of this dark place i’m in

i’ve tried a lot of distractions really. stepped out of my comfort zone in hopes that i would feel better. i moved out of my hometown because my household was toxic, i got a new job that i ended up hating terribly but it was still a distraction, i hung out with friends, etc. i feel like i have no right to even feel this way which makes me feel ever more terrible. even when im doing something i probably wouldve been thrilled with in the past, at the end of the day i still want to die and disappear.

last year i was also diagnosed with a congenital heart disease and i just ended up wondering if i was simply born to suffer and not be happy the rest of my life because nothing simply goes my way no matter how hard i try to give myself a better life. idk what to do anymore i just feel so trapped and i have no one to talk to about this without feeling like im simply being whiny