I sometimes have extremely severe agony from various things. In that state, I'm at serious risk of hurting myself and ruining my own life. I'm in the UK. I think that having one dose of ketamine on me, for that very rare use, would save my life.
Is anyone in this country prescribed it to use outside of hospital? Please respond to give me some hope.
A lot of NHS doctors are patronising scum, I've noticed. I've literally just come home from a psychiatric assessment where the woman made some patronising comment about me wearing glasses indoors (which I had already explained is necessary for light sensitivity so that I actually have the mental bandwidth to communicate with them). I could feel the bureaucratic wall of coldness coming at me. The tone; the look. Everything. I know how to detect it.
For the first time ever, after being agreeable with these fucking little vermin for years, I just snapped and went ballistic at them and she had to run away.
I hate them so much.
I attach it to my bed's headboard and slump down somewhat so that it slightly cuts off the blood to my head. The feeling of being on the cusp of the end gives me a sense of freedom without having to actually go through with it just yet. I'm doing it as I write this.
I don't just want to "kill myself." I have a vindictive, thrashing desire to utterly blow my brain into vapor. What has this fucking thing produced? Every single day, it has some need it serves up. Every single day, it causes some horrible pang. Hungry. Eat. Bored. Stimulate. Reproduce. Reproduce. Reproduce. Sex. Sex. Sex. Attractive shape. Unattractive shape. Fix this. Fix that. Anxious. Fever. Indolence. I don't feel like it. I want this. I don't want that. Lonely. Need company. Aging. Be healthy. Eat this unhealthy thing. Did something wrong? Here's some unbearable nausea. Get into a bad situation? Get hit by a car? Here--have some unspeakable agony. It will help you avoid it in the future. Eat some more. Eat some more. Lonely. Reproduce.
This disgusting fucking pointless animal-thing has no right to exist. If it were a product on a shelf, it would be discontinued on day 1. I want to smash it into nothing. It deserves it.
I don't just want to "kill myself." I have a vindictive, thrashing desire to utterly blow my brain into vapor. What has this fucking thing produced? Every single day, it has some need it serves up. Every single day, it causes some horrible pang. Hungry. Eat. Bored. Stimulate. Reproduce. Reproduce. Reproduce. Sex. Sex. Sex. Attractive shape. Unattractive shape. Fix this. Fix that. Anxious. Fever. Indolence. I don't feel like it. I want this. I don't want that. Lonely. Need company. Aging. Be healthy. Eat this unhealthy thing. Did something wrong? Here's some unbearable nausea. Get into a bad situation? Get hit by a car? Here--have some unspeakable agony. It will help you avoid it in the future. Eat some more. Eat some more. Lonely. Reproduce.
This disgusting fucking pointless animal-thing has no right to exist. If it were a product on a shelf, it would be discontinued on day 1. I want to smash it into nothing. It deserves it.