u/Fortunato_XCX

So I posted a long and detailed summary of my 9 year long relationship coming to and end after years of cheating, but this is sort of a continuation.

My ex has been living somewhere else for a week now, but most of his stuff is still in my apartment. He has been coming to take few items every now and then, but not the entire thing, and not the two pieces of furniture he will take with him (literally the only furniture he owns in the entire apartment).

The day he left, I gather smaller stuff that belongs to him (figurines, photos, fridge magnets) and have been putting that on his pile of stuff.

Yesterday I finally got the clarity to demand him to take his stuff. Told him I would be changing the locks on Monday so he had the entire weekend to take his stuff. He is coming tomorrow and supposedly taking everything for real.

I have questions about the pictures of us together. I took them off but don't know what to do with them. I know he took at least a photo of us together with him the day he left officially, but I am so confused about the rest.

Right now I am going through a rage phase, so really don't know what's best.

Should I put them in his pile of stuff?

Should I keep them?

Should I throw them away?

Any suggestions?

Hi, I'm trying to get some perspective and get my head around the whole thing.

I had been in a LTR for 9 years with my partner (33, M). I am 34, M. We've lived together for 4.5 years.

First few years, all was great. After we moved together things went weird. His job was very demanding and required him to work night shifts and random weekend shifts. He was also specializing so it took him years before he was officially working as a professional.

During that time, I was almost his sole support. Taking care of the house, paying most of the bills, taking care of him etc.

At some point we stopped having sex altogether. This caused problems because I had a higher sex drive than him (supposedly). It affected my confidence. I went to therapy and tried to fix the situation.

About 3 years ago, I caught him cheating. He had been seeing at least 2 guys, one purely sexual, the other a bit more romantic, and texting with at least one other guy. Confronted him and we decided to try to fix things. Important detail, I cheated before him one drunk night that I barely remember, never told him and did therapy about it.

He tried to open the relationship but the trauma didn't let me do it. We called that off and decided to work on us as a couple and then discuss the open relationship in the future.

From that moment onwards, I felt anxiety and didn't trust him. I used to travel a lot, and found evidence (because I was hyper vigilant) that he kept on cheating time after time. And for some reason I stood and allowed it. Same cycle: he cheated, I found out, we had a painful conversation, said we would try to fix it, rinse and repeat. He only apologized once I confronted him, and he always tried to gaslight me into believing that sex never happened, and that he got to the guys' apartments but things didn't work out so they never fucked. Bs of course. He never wanted to talk about feelings, unmet needs, and even failed to bring up the open relationship thing.

About a month ago it happened again. This time worse, because he spent the night at some other guy's place. I confronted him the next morning because he kept building this unbelievable story about his job, and for the first time he accepted it.

That's when we decided to end things. He would leave the apartment as soon as possible, and I would keep most things because I was the main provider and because he had a huge debt with me.

I allowed him to stay in the apartment for a few weeks with the only condition being that he needed to have some decency and respect, and not throw at my face his sexual endeavors.

A day had been since we called it off, and he was already on dating apps. Also, lying about stuff he had there.

During the conversations he said that since he's been on antidepressants for a long time, he didn't even have libido and that cheating was just a way to escape his reality, not even because of lust. However, I found him buying lube, jocks, and stuff like that.

During these weeks he kept on lying, saying he had already told his friends (but by accident I found he hadn't), supposedly meeting them at night and getting back to the apartment at 2 am, needing to shower, and other obvious signs.

I spent the first weeks crying but he looked really ok. I confronted him and told him it seemed he had already checked out of the relationship and that he seemed to not have feelings. Reaction: none.

Since he wouldn't move out, I had to put a stop to his crap. I told him to either leave, or to stop hurting me showing me all the sex he was having.

He stopped momentarily, until after he came and asked for money because his debt was bigger than I originally thought. I declined it and instead asked him to move asap.

He finally left the apartment, I am no longer sad. I am now angry and confused.

I gotta admit I keep stalking him and now he's having sex out there with who know how many people.

How do you spend 9 years with someone to end like this?

Why would someone leave a great home (money, love, comfort, support, dreams, plans) to become a slut?

He said it was never a problem with me but why would someone reject their partner in sex but try to get it from outside? Also, I am in great physical form, I am handsome, and out of the two, he was the boring one in bed.

This is super recent to me so of course I know I am still hooked on some unhealthy behaviors, but I am already going to therapy and have my friends and family support. I just can't get my head around it.