u/Forsaken_Name_5013

I (43M) received two wedding rings from my ex-girlfriend (Jasmine 45F).

Jasmine and I dated for about 2 1/2 years in high school and two years in college. We came from different backgrounds. I worked to support myself, at 16 years old. while her family provided more financial help(Clothes, food, school supplies.) and her mother was always warm, kind, and supportive After high school. We attended the same Community College. I have a business degree. Jasmine went for her PHD in physics. Jasmine was an outstanding student and received full ride scholarships to Princeton, Harvard, Yale, and Columbia. I encouraged her to accept one, knowing it would mean ending our relationship due to long distance. She chose Yale.

We took a memorable cross country road trip from California to Connecticut and made a lighthearted pact if neither of us wasn’t married by age 50 (or 49 at the earliest), we would date for at least a year and consider marriage. We Stayed in touch even after breaking up, we remained close friends. I called every six months to a year, eventually settling into roughly annual calls. Every 5-7 years I flew out to visit her for a weekend. These contacts continued through both of our other relationships and were always platonic we simply caught up on life. This friendship only became an issue in recent years with our respective partners. During one call while I was dating someone, my then girlfriend was suspicious, so I put it on speakerphone. We talked about normal things. We also lightly joked about Jasmine being unable to have children (something she had known since she was young). Her boyfriend at the time overheard and was very uncomfortable, as he hadn’t known. He had proposed to her multiple times, ( Apparently, within the first two years of dating him, he had proposed multiple times. ) but she kept declining. My understanding was that she was on the fence. Still open to the possibility, just finding it too soon to marry him.

About three years ago, Jasmine called after she had already undergone surgery to remove a lump, radiation, and treatment for breast cancer. She was feeling depressed and wanted support from me. I took time off work, flew out, and stayed with her mother (who has always treated me like family). Jasmine explained our history to her boyfriend, who was upset about me being there.(I don't blame him. I thought she would have discussed this long before Calling me.) During that week I helped support her recovery with meals, short walks, park visits, and trips to her favorite spots. It was meaningful to see her, and I still cared deeply for her as my first love. I must point out that I didn't act upon these feelings and strictly kept it platonic.

Last year, Jasmine’s mother sent me a letter with a package. Jasmine had passed away after her cancer returned aggressively and spread. Her mother waited until things had settled before reaching out, not wanting to cause more conflict.

Jasmine had left specific instructions for her mom to send me the package and letters. Inside were two rings and several handwritten pages. In the letters, Jasmine explained that I was her first love and she had always known she wanted to marry me.(Due to life circumstance) She dated others to see if there was another future, but she couldn't never move past the feeling that we were meant to be. Reading them was incredibly emotional, I broke down after the first page. She had measured my ring finger while I was sleeping years ago. Jasmine visiting her mother while I slept in the guest room. (I'm not a spring chicken jet lag is taking its toll) One ring is silver (which she knew we both liked), I keep that one stored safely as it doesn’t fit well. The other is black and green (green was our favorite combined color, and she wanted me to always remember her). That one fits perfectly, and I wear it daily.

Jasmine’s ex-boyfriend somehow got my number (likely from her mother under pressure) and has called multiple times from different numbers demanding I return the rings. I told him no Jasmine specifically instructed they be sent to me. I also pointed out that if she had wanted to marry him, she would have accepted one of his proposals. (I knew this was a low blow to him. And I regret saying that to him, but. I was trying to end the conversation with him as soon as possible.) I ended the call and now ignore his subsequent attempts to reach me. I also believe he possibly could be lashing out. Due to incredible grief and pain. I recently spoke with Jasmine’s mother and told her I’ll fly out once I’ve saved enough money but times are tight right now. ( To buy a Headstone & Burial site) to visit, pay my respects, and talk With Jasmine's mother in person.

I have discussed this with my friends and all my female friends say I should keep the rings. But some of my male friends. Tell me I should send the rings back to her ex boyfriend to end his grief.

Apparently I first posted this in the wrong section of reddit and was directed to post it here.

I (43M, White) dated Jasmine (45, Black) for 2.5 years in high school and 2 years in college. We came from different backgrounds I worked to support myself, her family was more stable financially. After high school, I got a basic business degree at community college. Jasmine was an exceptional student and got full-ride offers from Princeton, Harvard, Yale, and Columbia. I encouraged her to go (knowing it would end us due to distance). She chose Yale.

Before she left, we did a cross-country road trip and made a lighthearted pact if neither was married by 50, we'd date for at least a year and consider marriage. We stayed platonic friends, with calls every 6-12 months and occasional visits. This continued through our other relationships and was never romantic.

The friendship occasionally caused tension with partners. Once, my then-girlfriend was suspicious during a call, so I put it on speaker. We joked lightly about Jasmine’s known infertility (something her boyfriend at the time hadn’t known). He was upset.

About three years ago, Jasmine called after breast cancer surgery, radiation, and treatment. She was depressed and wanted support from someone who wouldn’t judge her. I flew out, stayed with her mother (who’s always treated me like family), and helped with recovery for a week meals, walks, etc. Her then boyfriend was uncomfortable with me being there.

Last year, Jasmine’s mother sent me a package after Jasmine passed from aggressive returning cancer. Per Jasmine’s instructions, it included two rings and heartfelt letters. In them, she said I was her first love, she’d always wanted to marry me, and she dated others but could never move on from that feeling. She had measured my finger years ago while I slept. One ring is silver (we both liked it) I store it safely. The other is black and green (our favorite color combo) so I’d remember her it fits perfectly and I wear it daily.

Jasmine’s ex-boyfriend got my number and has called repeatedly from different numbers demanding I return the rings. I refused, noting Jasmine specifically left them to me and had repeatedly declined his proposals. I now ignore further calls. My female friends say keep them. Some male friends say send them back. Jasmine’s mother supports me visiting the burial site when I can afford it. I the asshole for keeping the rings Jasmine explicitly wanted me to have?