u/Forestgreen70s

I am looking for some advice. It is a bit of a long story but feel like I should provide some context.

Earlier this year, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. He is healthy, happy and very much loved by me and my family. When he was conceived I was living in a different state and fell pregnant after a one night stand. I met the guy on Tinder and he came across as a really nice, family-orientated guy. He was a single dad with two kids that claimed he had a respectful relationship with his ex-partner but was looking for something serious. We spoke over messages quite a lot and I felt like I got to know him quite well. We were supposed to meet up in my town (he lived 1.5 hours away) on the weekend but one Thursday afternoon he asked if he could come and see me. Usually I would wait until the weekend, where we had plans to go out to an event, but I had a really good feeling about him so said to come and have dinner. When he arrived at my house, he wasn't the guy I had made him out to be in my mind. He was a bit cold and awkward. When he came inside he hugged me and kissed me on the lips straight away. I felt like because we had spoken a fair bit over messages it was this weird situation where we were supposed to hit it off but that just wasn't coming naturally. Anyway, one thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together. He asked if I was on birth control and I said no, make sure you don't come inside me (yes I know this is not an effective method of contraception- now 😅). That broke the ice a bit and we ended up staying up late chatting. I was a bit confused about how I felt the next morning. He traveled back home for work. We exchanged a few messages but I felt like we weren't that keen on each other. I asked if he still planned to come to my town on the weekend and he said yes. When it came to the day I text him and he ghosted me and we didn't speak again.

Five weeks later I realised I was pregnant which was a huge shock. I have always wondered what I would do in that situation and started thinking about my options. I felt that the right thing to do was contact him and discuss it. I wouldn't have chosen to have an abortion but if that is what he wanted I would have considered it. When I contacted him to speak over the phone he asked what it was about and I messaged him that I was pregnant. We made a time to talk over the phone. I tried to call and he essentially never got back to me and I haven't heard from him since. I made the decision to keep the baby. I felt connected to the baby even though I was a bit unsure about doing things alone. My family are very supportive and I made the decision to move back to my home state so I had the help of them and my friends.

I am really glad I made the decision I did. I love my little boy. I have bought a house here in a nice little country town and my Dad is fixing it up for me. Having him has changed the way I think in a million different ways and I am excited for our life together.

I do have this moral dilemma.. I was watching a TV show the other day about people that are mostly adopted tracking down family members and it made me feel a bit sad for my son. I plan on being open and honest with him about his Dad and keeping the way I speak of him positive. I am wondering if I should inform the Dad that he has a son? Even though I tried to discuss this with him back at the beginning and he chose to not get back to me. As he already has two children, I think maybe he was worried about having to pay child-support for another one or his life getting messier. I don't want anything from him. I just want what is best for my son.

I would like the father to be aware incase my son wants to get in touch and meet him down the track which is likely. However, I worry that informing him could open a can of worms. I don't know this person well and from what he has shown me so far he is not the most responsible or kind-hearted person. I personally couldn't live with not knowing whether I have another child out there or not. I didn't put his name on my son's birth certificate. I also worry that if I tell him now, maybe he would want to see him and it would mean having to travel interstate and allow a person I don't know well to have access to my child.

Please let me know your thoughts.

I am looking for some advice. It is a bit of a long story but feel like I should provide some context.

Earlier this year, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. He is healthy, happy and very much loved by me and my family. When he was conceived I was living in a different state and fell pregnant after a one night stand. I met the guy on Tinder and he came across as a really nice, family-orientated guy. He was a single dad with two kids that claimed he had a respectful relationship with his ex-partner but was looking for something serious. We spoke over messages quite a lot and I felt like I got to know him quite well. We were supposed to meet up in my town (he lived 1.5 hours away) on the weekend but one Thursday afternoon he asked if he could come and see me. Usually I would wait until the weekend, where we had plans to go out to an event, but I had a really good feeling about him so said to come and have dinner. When he arrived at my house, he wasn't the guy I had made him out to be in my mind. He was a bit cold and awkward. When he came inside he hugged me and kissed me on the lips straight away. I felt like because we had spoken a fair bit over messages it was this weird situation where we were supposed to hit it off but that just wasn't coming naturally. Anyway, one thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together. He asked if I was on birth control and I said no, make sure you don't come inside me (yes I know this is not an effective method of contraception- now 😅). That broke the ice a bit and we ended up staying up late chatting. I was a bit confused about how I felt the next morning. He traveled back home for work. We exchanged a few messages but I felt like we weren't that keen on each other. I asked if he still planned to come to my town on the weekend and he said yes. When it came to the day I text him and he ghosted me and we didn't speak again.

Five weeks later I realised I was pregnant which was a huge shock. I have always wondered what I would do in that situation and started thinking about my options. I felt that the right thing to do was contact him and discuss it. I wouldn't have chosen to have an abortion but if that is what he wanted I would have considered it. When I contacted him to speak over the phone he asked what it was about and I messaged him that I was pregnant. We made a time to talk over the phone. I tried to call and he essentially never got back to me and I haven't heard from him since. I made the decision to keep the baby. I felt connected to the baby even though I was a bit unsure about doing things alone. My family are very supportive and I made the decision to move back to my home state so I had the help of them and my friends.

I am really glad I made the decision I did. I love my little boy. I have bought a house here in a nice little country town and my Dad is fixing it up for me. Having him has changed the way I think in a million different ways and I am excited for our life together.

I do have this moral dilemma.. I was watching a TV show the other day about people that are mostly adopted tracking down family members and it made me feel a bit sad for my son. I plan on being open and honest with him about his Dad and keeping the way I speak of him positive. I am wondering if I should inform the Dad that he has a son? Even though I tried to discuss this with him back at the beginning and he chose to not get back to me. As he already has two children, I think maybe he was worried about having to pay child-support for another one or his life getting messier. I don't want anything from him. I just want what is best for my son.

I would like the father to be aware incase my son wants to get in touch and meet him down the track which is likely. However, I worry that informing him could open a can of worms. I don't know this person well and from what he has shown me so far he is not the most responsible or kind-hearted person. I personally couldn't live with not knowing whether I have another child out there or not. I didn't put his name on my son's birth certificate. I also worry that if I tell him now, maybe he would want to see him and it would mean having to travel interstate and allow a person I don't know well to have access to my child.

Please let me know your thoughts.