I don’t know what to do
I, 34F and my spouse 34M. Have been together for 13 years & and married for 10 years this year. He’s always worked two jobs most of our marriage while I’ve stayed at home off and on with our two kids. I’m a realtor now and make in consistent income but it helps when it’s there. My husband started working at a local lake bar with a friend’s wife who runs the bar and restaurant. More recently that friend and wife divorced. Since then I have been experiencing all sorts of bad things with my husband. I am not one to ever go through my husband’s phone or anything because I’ve never felt the need. But one night I did and there was a text from the bar owner (Pam) to my husband that said look out Rainey (a girl that used to serve and bartender out there) looks hot as fuck tonight. When i confronted my husband and Pam about this text message I was informed that she was talk texting and driving and sent the text to the wrong person. In the reply’s my husband never responded to it. After this I kept periodically looking at his watch that he would leave at home when he went to the bar. A few weeks later he sent Pam a text that said “jeans looked good tonight” and she “hearted” said text. I totally lost it, I was later informed that he was angry with me because he saw that his watch was charging on his phone. Which I’m not sure if possible because the data was turned off on his watch so I’m not sure how it would still be able to alert him that it’s charging. He said the text was basically bait for me to see if I was checking his watch. Which was no secret, he knew I’d be checking his watch. Fast forward to now. I’ve had two co workers go up to that bar and mention that they were uncomfortable with how my husband was behaving or whatever he was doing. They both said they never saw him get inappropriate with anyone but one of them said she saw him on the balcony with Rainey and at first she didn’t know it was my husband but she did think it was a couple of some sort. I asked him about that he said they were out on the balcony vaping. He said he was out there, she came upstairs from downstairs and they were just casually talking. But now my problem is that I have this issue with Rainey because of all of these things that have been going on. My husband informed me that he scheduled a hair appointment with her and I told him I thought it was inappropriate. He still went and got his hair cut by her anyway and totally ignored my feelings about it. We have past history where he’s never really put me first emotionally. He’s a good provider, he’s worked hard, he’s a good dad but he’s never really present at home. Idk if I am overreacting or if he just does not respect my boundaries. And honestly with other things that have gone on in our relationship that I’m to emotionally drained to divulge in. Is asking him not to go to this woman to get his hair cut too much? I’ve explained to him that I am uncomfortable with this and why and he still didn’t cancel. He just asked me if I’d picked a couples therapist yet, he treated me as if I was overreacting and told me to go to bed.