This is a long read so please bear with me.
I (23F) and my boyfriend (25M) are currently expecting our first child together. We have been together since December 2025. I was studying my masters and had a goal for my future until I met him. I am not calling my boyfriend bad luck, but everyone around me is starting to say so. I got pregnant late January; it wasn’t planned, but we were both happy to keep it.
My previous relationship lasted 3–4 years and my ex became very abusive physically, mentally, and emotionally. It ended with a restraining order due to how bad it got. I opened up about this to my current boyfriend and he promised to protect me and keep me safe. However, I’m starting to see signs of abuse from him.
The first situation: I live in student housing (2-bed flat) with another female flatmate. My boyfriend had gone to his friend’s place and took the keys but didn’t close the door. I wasn’t awake when he left. I woke up at 2am and found the front door open. My boyfriend wasn’t home. I messaged him immediately about the door and where he was. I had work at 6am and couldn’t go because I couldn’t leave the flat unsecured. He came back around 10:30am. We argued, and he accused me of being the only one upset about the door being left open. I asked my flatmate if she was okay with it, and he got angry, saying I disrespected him by involving her.
For context, he doesn’t live with me he lives in another city but stays over every 2-3 days.
After that situation, he said he didn’t want the baby anymore and questioned if the baby was his. Things escalated and I ended up in hospital (he didn’t hit me on that occasion). I told his mom about what he said, and she told me he gets like that when upset and says abusive things even to her. She assured me he loves me and that I shouldn’t leave him. I was in hospital for 3 days and he didn’t visit me. The day I was discharged, he took me out for Mother’s Day.
On two other occasions, he has said he doesn’t want the baby. For his birthday last week, I planned and booked a dinner. Before going, we went to a sexual health clinic because of a test he had done. Before leaving, he asked about an orange jacket I had promised to re-wash. I told him I forgot because he kept leaving it in the closet instead of the laundry basket. He got very upset and said he would embarrass me by hitting me with my Stanley cup (he didn’t). He then threw the jacket at me with force, causing me to fall and hit my stomach. He continued, and when I screamed, he said no one was coming to save me.
At the clinic, he tested positive for gonorrhoea and trichomonas vaginalis (TV), meaning I had to get tested. My results came back positive for TV but not gonorrhoea. I still had to get treatment, including a shot and antibiotics.
When we got home, he seemed upset. He later said it was because some friends didn’t post him for his birthday only 36 people did and he stayed upset about this for 2 days.
We didn’t go to the restaurant anymore instead, we went to the cinema to watch the new Michael film and ended the day with pizza. Later, I started feeling pain and tried to sleep. He got upset when I said no to intimacy, started insulting me, calling me names, and threatened to hit me.
That night, I couldn’t sleep and started thinking about termination because I don’t want to bring a child into a situation like this. The following night, he tried to strangle me because I wouldn’t eat with him. I am scared for my life. He constantly threatens me, and I don’t want a future with him anymore.
He was never like this before, and I don’t know what triggered it, but I don’t want to wait and find out. I really love him, but I’m starting to see things differently. My sister and friend have helped me arrange a meeting with BPAS; my consultation is on Tuesday. My mom wants me to stay, but she is also in an abusive relationship.
I feel bad about my decision, but I don’t want to regret anything in the future.
My question is: how do I safely leave this relationship while pregnant, and how do I make the right decision for myself and my baby without being influenced by guilt or pressure from others?
Apologies for the long post.