u/Flimsy-Initiative676

Need outside perspective because I’m still irritated and my husband doesn’t fully understand why this bothered me so much.

My husband’s uncle passed away last Sunday in another state, and my FIL had been there all week with him and after his burial, MIL said he would be back home in about 3 days. He came saturday night and they planned the 3azza for Sunday. I had to originally leave (i’m an hour and 40 mins away from my parents, 10 min drive from in laws) and my parents are also leaving for Hajj tomorrow insha Allah, so I already had plans to go spend time with my family, help out with the packing and other important housekeeping before they leave. I had also already spent the last few days (3 days after the passing) with my in-laws before leaving. I even made food for my MIL and DIL to bring bc my FIL wasn’t back yet. I went without my husband too.

I was planning to leave Sunday but i ended up leaving Saturday morning and apparently my SIL wanted me see my MIL for early mother’s day and say salaam to my FIL that day bc they all thought i was leaving Sunday. My husband didn’t communicate that I already was planning to leave on Sat bc i had to get things done.

So saturday night, SIL texted me randomly saying my MIL and FIL were “surprised/hurt” not to see me today and framed it as “they see you as a daughter” and “I’m telling you because I care about your relationship with them.” Apparently my husband never clearly communicated in advance that I wasn’t coming, and somehow the emotional fallout still landed on me. That is not fair to be honest.

I didn’t know how to respond to my SIL and I had to take time to respond and I feel like I had to over explain like she’s my handler or something and because she sees me as a “sister” she thought I should know. I’m sorry but you’re my SIL at the end of the day, that’s different. If you have a problem with me, you go to your brother not thru me. But what still bothers me is the unspoken expectation dynamic that now that i’m their daughter i have to act like her. I feel like there’s an unspoken expectation for me to always be available and emotionally responsible for communication with my husband’s family, even though they have their son too. I care about them and consistently show up, but the one time I prioritized my own family it became a conversation about hurt feelings.

I also realized I don’t really want my SIL acting as the middle person communicating family expectations or emotions to me. I’d rather communication about plans/expectations come directly from my husband or his parents instead of through her. He didn’t think she was being disrespectful like that but I thought she overstepped.

Mind you I know she went back and forth and argued with him beforehand (he was defending me) and THEN SHE went again and texted me about it. Her personality is so direct and comes off aggressive it’s exhausting.

Am I wrong for wanting that boundary? How should I move with my husband and his family? This put a bad taste in my point, I’ve NEVER a problem.

Sorry for the rant, please let me know what you think - tysm!

hi!

has anyone experienced prolonged periods where it has pasted over 10 days?😅

i’ve been going thru irregular periods on and off and the last time i had mine was during ramadan (like half way thru it) and finally got it around apr 27/8 it started off slow but now it’s a full flow yet still on the light medium side and im on day 11 where i still need a pad instead of a liner.

Can i go ahead and make ghusl and start praying again? Feels weird to still have to wear and pad and pray but doesn’t seem like it’s stopping on its own which is getting frustrating.

ALSO bonus questions for any married sisters reading this that are also going thru istihada bleeding — have you felt comfortable to still being intimate with your spouse? Even that feels strange to me so wanted to ask if anyone has been through it as well.

thanks!