u/Five_Hustle_Emir

I've been suffering from this for years. Went to so many child and teenage therapists due to my age. Today i went one and explained her the situation im going trought. After that she said that you dont have OCD everything is caused by your Asperger. And she said ERP is not a solution. I fucking hate my life. I am afraid that i will have this forever. Even my mom started to think i self diagnosed myself. 2 days ago i puked 2 times because of these thoughts. I cant wait to turn 18 so i can hire an actual therapist.

Well sometimes when i think myself kissing with a guy thinking his tounge goes into my throat deeply i start to gag. Because of this i puked 2 times last night

Well i might have ROCD but i already suffer from HOCD.

I live in a country where HOCD is not known well. I cant hire an English speaking therapist due to inflation and economy. I attempted ERP by myself and made my OCD worse and triggered again. I've been to 3 therapists

One of them was a young guy: At the beggining of my OCD I told him the symptoms and problems and he said that you're gay. I remember my skin color became lighter due to fear.

The second one was an old man. He was being rude lets say. But i remember when i mentioned OCD he said "dont say the terms or stuff i dont know" what a son of a bitch

The third one was a woman: The problem is she only gave me SSRI. We didnt do ERP or stuff.

I have an appoitment on 18 May and i dont know if we are gonna do ERP or not. But i think we might not do ERP.

I have no idea what to do but i cant live with this forever.

Ok i was jerking off and then a desire came and felt like i kissed a man and felt genuine ass fuck. I spiralled all day ans during shower i was feeling scared of gay men kissing thoughts. Im lost am i bi?