u/Fit_Paleontologist23

AITA for catching feelings for my friend?

About two years ago, I (23M) worked with two women: “Heather” (21F) and “Faye” (23F). I wasn’t super experienced with relationships and tend to be pretty reserved, so it takes me a while to open up to people.

After a few months, Heather and I started talking and hanging out. She had a young child, so most “dates” involved all 3 of us. Eventually I got promoted to manager at our job, and that completely changed the dynamic. We constantly clashed over responsibilities, criticism, and authority. I tried to stay fair, but I think she struggled seeing me as her boss after we’d been equals. The tension got bad enough that she transferred locations.

Even though we were never officially together, losing that connection hurt. During all of this, Faye and I became really close friends. We’d go out together often, and she became the person I vented to about Heather. She’d also vent to me about her own relationship problems.

Over time, I started realizing Faye had a lot of qualities I wanted in a partner. She was thoughtful, attentive, and emotionally supportive in ways Heather wasn’t. On top of that, Faye was extremely open about sexual topics and relationships, which sometimes blurred boundaries for me. She’d tell me detailed stories, show revealing photos, etc. I never made a move because she had a boyfriend, and I genuinely tried to stay respectful.

Eventually her relationship started falling apart, and she began cheating emotionally, then physically. She told me everything in detail. I repeatedly told her it was a bad idea and encouraged her to either fix the relationship honestly or leave. What bothered me most wasn’t even the cheating itself, but that her boyfriend was actively trying to repair things while she kept lying to him.

That completely changed how I viewed her. If she could lie so comfortably to someone she supposedly loved, I started wondering if she’d eventually betray my trust too. At the same time, I realized I’d developed feelings for her, which made everything more complicated.

Instead of confronting it directly, I slowly distanced myself. I stopped answering calls, stopped hanging out, and eventually sent her a long message explaining that her dishonesty destroyed my trust and admitting I had feelings for her too. She never responded, and that was about 4 months ago.

I know I handled parts of this badly, especially ghosting her instead of communicating earlier. But I also felt hurt, conflicted, and emotionally stuck because I cared about her while also losing respect for her actions.

I know it’s been a while and I’m still thinking about her, but this makes me not want to invest that heavily into people. This isn’t the first time I’ve dealt with having to cut people off for crossing boundaries or not meeting a standard that mattered to me. And I don’t want to think that I am just a narcissistic and self centered individual who thinks the world revolves around themself and I can and should just cut whoever off that doesn’t fit my style.

I am aiming for advice on where to place my mindset when it comes to putting my trust in people who may do me wrong in the unforeseen future. It seems I am always the person in the relationship that cares more than the other. And never the one who gets the closure they wanted.

AITA for letting the friendship end this way?

AITA for catching feelings for my friend?

About two years ago, I (23M) worked with two women: “Heather” (21F) and “Faye” (23F). I wasn’t super experienced with relationships and tend to be pretty reserved, so it takes me a while to open up to people.

After a few months, Heather and I started talking and hanging out. She had a young child, so most “dates” involved all 3 of us. Eventually I got promoted to manager at our job, and that completely changed the dynamic. We constantly clashed over responsibilities, criticism, and authority. I tried to stay fair, but I think she struggled seeing me as her boss after we’d been equals. The tension got bad enough that she transferred locations.

Even though we were never officially together, losing that connection hurt. During all of this, Faye and I became really close friends. We’d go out together often, and she became the person I vented to about Heather. She’d also vent to me about her own relationship problems.

Over time, I started realizing Faye had a lot of qualities I wanted in a partner. She was thoughtful, attentive, and emotionally supportive in ways Heather wasn’t. On top of that, Faye was extremely open about sexual topics and relationships, which sometimes blurred boundaries for me. She’d tell me detailed stories, show revealing photos, etc. I never made a move because she had a boyfriend, and I genuinely tried to stay respectful.

Eventually her relationship started falling apart, and she began cheating emotionally, then physically. She told me everything in detail. I repeatedly told her it was a bad idea and encouraged her to either fix the relationship honestly or leave. What bothered me most wasn’t even the cheating itself, but that her boyfriend was actively trying to repair things while she kept lying to him.

That completely changed how I viewed her. If she could lie so comfortably to someone she supposedly loved, I started wondering if she’d eventually betray my trust too. At the same time, I realized I’d developed feelings for her, which made everything more complicated.

Instead of confronting it directly, I slowly distanced myself. I stopped answering calls, stopped hanging out, and eventually sent her a long message explaining that her dishonesty destroyed my trust and admitting I had feelings for her too. She never responded, and that was about 4 months ago.

I know I handled parts of this badly, especially ghosting her instead of communicating earlier. But I also felt hurt, conflicted, and emotionally stuck because I cared about her while also losing respect for her actions.

AITA for letting the friendship end this way?

AITA for catching feelings for my friend?

About two years ago, I (23M) worked with two women: “Heather” (21F) and “Faye” (23F). I wasn’t super experienced with relationships and tend to be pretty reserved, so it takes me a while to open up to people.

After a few months, Heather and I started talking and hanging out. She had a young child, so most “dates” involved all 3 of us. Eventually I got promoted to manager at our job, and that completely changed the dynamic. We constantly clashed over responsibilities, criticism, and authority. I tried to stay fair, but I think she struggled seeing me as her boss after we’d been equals. The tension got bad enough that she transferred locations.

Even though we were never officially together, losing that connection hurt. During all of this, Faye and I became really close friends. We’d go out together often, and she became the person I vented to about Heather. She’d also vent to me about her own relationship problems.

Over time, I started realizing Faye had a lot of qualities I wanted in a partner. She was thoughtful, attentive, and emotionally supportive in ways Heather wasn’t. On top of that, Faye was extremely open about sexual topics and relationships, which sometimes blurred boundaries for me. She’d tell me detailed stories, show revealing photos, etc. I never made a move because she had a boyfriend, and I genuinely tried to stay respectful.

Eventually her relationship started falling apart, and she began cheating emotionally, then physically. She told me everything in detail. I repeatedly told her it was a bad idea and encouraged her to either fix the relationship honestly or leave. What bothered me most wasn’t even the cheating itself, but that her boyfriend was actively trying to repair things while she kept lying to him.

That completely changed how I viewed her. If she could lie so comfortably to someone she supposedly loved, I started wondering if she’d eventually betray my trust too. At the same time, I realized I’d developed feelings for her, which made everything more complicated.

Instead of confronting it directly, I slowly distanced myself. I stopped answering calls, stopped hanging out, and eventually sent her a long message explaining that her dishonesty destroyed my trust and admitting I had feelings for her too. She never responded, and that was about 4 months ago.

I know I handled parts of this badly, especially ghosting her instead of communicating earlier. But I also felt hurt, conflicted, and emotionally stuck because I cared about her while also losing respect for her actions.

AITA for letting the friendship end this way?