u/Fit_Independent4343

I was told to post my story on this page to get some insight since I know nothing really about narcissists.

I’m on month 8 of my break up. I still cry everyday. I can’t tell you a time during this 8 months I was actually happy. I truly believe I will never date anyone again. The would have bet my life and families lives on the fact he would never hurt me and with every problem we had we would work it out. Every time he was with my family he talked about “when we get married …” we were together 3.5 years and the day he ran away from me that morning he told me he loved and wanted to marry me. He came home from therapy that evening, and didn’t speak to me went to his office and bought a one way plane ticket to Chicago (his hometown) for the next day and then went to the guest room. I was putting away his laundry (literally folded his clothes for him) and saw the ticket on his computer screen. When I asked him about it, he told me he wasn’t happy. He wanted to die. He wanted to put a bullet in his brain. I let him leave the next day without a fight because I was scared for him. I told his family what he told me and they seemed appreciative of the info. After he left I was completely in the dark. No one was telling me anything. After 3 days of me trying to get in touch with someone who could tell me if he was okay or if he even made it to Chicago, his dad told me it was inappropriate for me to be contacting the family. Literally the same family I was a part of for 4 years. He continued to ghost me until day 10, where he sent me a breakup email saying I made him unhappy and the fact that I needed him to communicate with me wasn’t okay with him. He was gone 3 weeks total. During that time his mom convinced me to move out of the house and convinced me to leave our shared golden (legally my dog) because if I didn’t he might hurt himself. Since that day my life has been absolute Hell. That prior June I went to his brother’s wedding, was in all the family photos, and he was telling all of his extended family we were next. The last year we started fighting more about his drinking being a concern and the fact he was not only doing cocaine, but he was hiding it and lying about it to me. I just miss him so much. I moved away about 2 months ago because he was letting his friends spread nasty rumors about me and when I would call him crying begging him to defend me, the person he supposedly loved for nearly 4 years, he told me he didn’t want to be involved.

Ive been horrible with no contact. After I moved away a mutual friend told me he was being careless with his cocaine and leaving it out in areas where my dog could get it. This instantly infuriated me because I only left her with him because I loved him more than her (and I love her so much) and he made me believe he was trying to better himself. I ended up blowing up his phone trying to get in touch with him and he ended up blocking me. It’s been over a month since we last talked. I miss him. I miss my dog and cat. I miss my house. I miss my old town. I miss my old job. I miss my friends. Haha I even miss my furniture in the house we shared because he refused to let me sell it and then refused to pay me for it.

I was told to post my story on this page to get some insight since I know nothing really about narcissists.

I’m on month 8 of my break up. I still cry everyday. I can’t tell you a time during this 8 months I was actually happy. I truly believe I will never date anyone again. The would have bet my life and families lives on the fact he would never hurt me and with every problem we had we would work it out. Every time he was with my family he talked about “when we get married …” we were together 3.5 years and the day he ran away from me that morning he told me he loved and wanted to marry me. He came home from therapy that evening, and didn’t speak to me went to his office and bought a one way plane ticket to Chicago (his hometown) for the next day and then went to the guest room. I was putting away his laundry (literally folded his clothes for him) and saw the ticket on his computer screen. When I asked him about it, he told me he wasn’t happy. He wanted to die. He wanted to put a bullet in his brain. I let him leave the next day without a fight because I was scared for him. I told his family what he told me and they seemed appreciative of the info. After he left I was completely in the dark. No one was telling me anything. After 3 days of me trying to get in touch with someone who could tell me if he was okay or if he even made it to Chicago, his dad told me it was inappropriate for me to be contacting the family. Literally the same family I was a part of for 4 years. He continued to ghost me until day 10, where he sent me a breakup email saying I made him unhappy and the fact that I needed him to communicate with me wasn’t okay with him. He was gone 3 weeks total. During that time his mom convinced me to move out of the house and convinced me to leave our shared golden (legally my dog) because if I didn’t he might hurt himself. Since that day my life has been absolute Hell. That prior June I went to his brother’s wedding, was in all the family photos, and he was telling all of his extended family we were next. The last year we started fighting more about his drinking being a concern and the fact he was not only doing cocaine, but he was hiding it and lying about it to me. I just miss him so much. I moved away about 2 months ago because he was letting his friends spread nasty rumors about me and when I would call him crying begging him to defend me, the person he supposedly loved for nearly 4 years, he told me he didn’t want to be involved.

Ive been horrible with no contact. After I moved away a mutual friend told me he was being careless with his cocaine and leaving it out in areas where my dog could get it. This instantly infuriated me because I only left her with him because I loved him more than her (and I love her so much) and he made me believe he was trying to better himself. I ended up blowing up his phone trying to get in touch with him and he ended up blocking me. It’s been over a month since we last talked. I miss him. I miss my dog and cat. I miss my house. I miss my old town. I miss my old job. I miss my friends. Haha I even miss my furniture in the house we shared because he refused to let me sell it and then refused to pay me for it.

I’m really lost. I’m in therapy and in Al-anon. I (32f) dated my now ex (38m) for 3.5 years. Throughout the relationship I never questioned if he loved me. He was so good at showing it. Alcohol was something I had concerns about early on but he convinced me I was just sensitive to it since I don’t drink. I accepted that answer until his mom (who is also a heavy drinker) brought up to me she had concerns and asked me to start monitoring his alcohol intake. This all took place in the last year of the relationship and this is when our fighting became a lot. Not only were we fighting about his drinking (I was finding empty liquor bottles all over the house. He would drive after drinking pretty frequently. He also started to just not tell me where he was going, who he was with and when he’d be home because it made him feel like I had him on a leash.) but we were also fighting about cocaine. I was finding it more and more in his clothes or his car or just all over our floor where our pets could easily get it. It cried to him and begged him multiple times to please stop and I gave him ultimatums (I know now that wasn’t right). He would tell me he would never do it again and then do it but withhold the information from me (his loophole to lying to me). He continued to tell me he loved me and wanted to marry me and I never stopped loving him. Last summer we went to his brother’s wedding and he let me be in all the family photos and told his entire extended family we were next(He had previously told my entire extended family we would get married near my family.). Flash forward a couple months to September 10th. That morning, he told me he loved and still wanted to marry me. That same day he came home from therapy didn’t speak to me went to his office and bought a one way plane ticket to Chicago (his hometown) for the next day and then went to the guest room. I was putting away his laundry (literally folded his clothes for him) and saw the ticket on his computer screen. When I asked him about it, he told me he wasn’t happy. He wanted to die. He wanted to put a bullet in his brain. I let him leave without a fight because I was scared for him. I told his family what he told me and they seemed appreciative of the info. They ended the call telling me how much they loved me. After he left I was completely in the dark. No one was telling me anything. After 3 days of me trying to get in touch with someone who could tell me if he was okay or if he even made it to Chicago, his dad told me it was inappropriate for me to be contacting the family. Literally the same family I was a part of for nearly 4 years. My ex continued to ghost me until day 10, where he sent me a breakup email saying I made him unhappy and the fact that I needed him to communicate with me wasn’t okay with him. He was going 3 weeks total. During that time his mom convinced me to move out of the house and convinced me to leave our shared golden (legally my dog) because if I didn’t he might hurt himself.

It’s been 8 months and I’m still completely broken. I moved away from Hawaii (where I lived with him) a place where I called home for 7 years because it was so painful to be there but not with him. He has let his friends spread vicious rumors about me and won’t defend me. I don’t know who this person is. He and his family has been so cold to me and cruel the last 7 months.

I guess I’m asking does this sound like someone who might have an addiction or just someone who just quit loving me? Please be gentle. Though it’s been 7 months I’m so incredibly fragile.