u/Fit_Document_6073

I (24M) recently broke up with my girlfriend(24F), and am now going back and forth whether i was wrong in doing so.

Already we were doing long distance (roughly a 2 hour drive between where we live) which was already making things hard. It felt like anytime we would see each other it had to be on her terms. She was only willing to spend the weekends (when we were both off work) at my place when i would visit during week. I didn’t like going to her place because she has a roommate (M30) who I don’t necessarily get along with. She wanted us to become better friends but any time i would come down he would avoid us like the plague. Personally i think that’s because she was either sleeping with him when we weren’t together or had slept together before we were together (and i imagine she ran to his bed the night we broke up) and would get jealous when whe was around me because we didn’t spend much time with him.

When she would come to stay with me she never wanted to go out to the bar with my friends (she would but she was never really happy about it). Being a social person as i am, it really made me feel like i was going to be missing out on being able to go out and party with my friends.

She also seemed kinda entitled. She was becoming very successful in her career path and it seemed like she wanted me to get it together so that she would look better. She wanted me to get better dress clothes for important events (i only have a couple polos), she was “encouraging” me to get back into school and complete my degree and masters for my chosen path, which I’m wanting to do on my time. I plan on getting proper therapy and working out more consistently and plan on distancing myself from some of my bad habits but with her it started feeling like she wanted me to have a checklist to finish it rather than plan it on my own time. I felt judged and unsupported and what really got me was the double standard. She was always talking about me breaking my bad habits (mostly drug use) but at the same time doesn’t seem to have the same energy when it comes to her (again M30) roommate’s very blatant and obvious issue with his alcoholism! Like i need to fill a certain image.

Our different lifestyle preferences also was more of a problem than i let on. She prefers to cook at home rather than go to restaurants, she would want to do events that were not our vibe and clearly for people in their late 30s and up, and although she claimed she would always date to marry, our whole relationship was based on physical aspects and I had to actively try and have her be my girlfriend (we also stopped having sex as much as we did to start)

I just felt tired and weak by the end of the relationship and so i wanted to end it, and now not only are our mutual friends calling me an asshole and taking her side, im starting to wonder if im justified in feeling like it was time to end the relationship.

I (M28) have been living with a ‘close’ friend (F22) for a little over a year now. Before we moved in together, we had a very good friendship. We’d hang out, showed support for each other, and she genuinely felt like a sister to me. After a while of living together though things have started to feel off. I’ve compromised on a lot of things, when guests come over and how it’s communicated, my general behavior in the apartment, cleaning habits, and even how the layout of the apartment is. Basically shes making a bunch of decisions and I’m going with it because I’m happy to be out of my parents house and living with a friend and i want her to be happy with me as a roommate.

Both of us have been dealing with some mental health struggles as of late. The difference between us is that with her schedule she is able to leave town and spend time with friends and/or family when she needs support. Because of my schedule, I haven’t been able to visit/have people visit in a long time. My main support has been her and a mutual friend that lives nearby, basically a neighbor.

You would think that would mean we would spend at least a little time together, especially since I’ve been VERY open about no doing well mentally, but that hasn’t been the case. Our mutual friend never wants to hang out (and makes the most ridiculous excuses) and my roommate has not only turned down pretty much every suggestion of things for us to do to hang out, but has then gone out and done those ideas with her personal friends almost immediately, like within a couple of days of suggesting. Kinda makes me feel like it’s less about the activity/cost of things and more about not wanting to hang out with me.

When she was struggling i made a real effort to to be there to help her; checking in, getting dinner, cleaning more often, etc…

Now that its me feeling alone (and i mean borderline non-functioning depression at times) it feel like she (and mutual friend) don’t care in the slightest.

So I’ve decided to ‘test’ them. I haven’t been home in days (sleeping in my car), I’ve turned off locations on my phones, and I haven’t told them where i am (hell i never even told them I was leaving). Basically just disappearing for a bit to see if either of them notices I’m gone and would be willing to reach out, especially since they know that I’ve been struggling. Part of me feels like this is immature but as it’s been almost 48 hours and neither have said a thing.

AITA