u/Fit_Credit_9101

Its been a bit since i go no contact with him, the days been blending together, i haven’t been logging on to any social because i was too scared to just seeing him online, so i haven’t really been talking to my other friends too. And now here i am just overthinking things like do they know now too or would they care , stuffs like that and feeling overwhelmed on my own hahaha i guess it was kinda sad and pathetic. Somedays have been easier live, breathing became easier as days go by so i thought im getting better. But today is … hard i woke up and immediately hit with this sadness i dont get it. I think im just lonely but I dont want to reach out to anyone just yet… im not ready. Its been hard but i think i need this to grief and mourn the realationship we had.. to realise i dont matter to him and get over it but IT SO FKING SUCK and LONELY.

I honestly dont know what I actually want because I don’t want to see him but i really want to hear/talk to him. So I guess Im just typing these out here just to let it all out to feel a bit better haha..

So I don’t know since when, I don’t know why but now I just don’t want to do anything anymore. Im sick and tired of school, playing games doesn’t have the same fulfilling enjoyment anymore, I have lots of friends who are only on a surface socializing level. Barely a handful actual good friends but they all don’t seem to understand and sympathise or going through their own mess and I can’t bother them. I don’t even like myself, I just tolerate what I am and that is it. Im just so numb of everything and want everything to end, Im still oh so young and my family is still here so there are responsibilities I have to because I can’t be selfish and end it all. I am here asking how do I feel less numb, how can I live each day not torturing myself by just going through their motions, how do I love myself.

We hangout lots, we texted and talked everyday. Even after i confessed all i got was that he wasn’t ready. Even then he still kind and caring to me. Now suddenly I heard hes dating someone else and completely cut me off like I don’t matter. I don’t regret caring but can’t we even atleast be friends… now we are known strangers.