Long story short I started taking Lexapro around a year or two ago, while I was trying to figure out what to do with my life and fight my agoraphobia. Now, I haven’t taken my medication in almost a year, simply because I hated going to see my psychiatrist so often. Now, I worry constantly about being behind in life, having no direction, struggling with school/purpose, and simply going outside and making friends. I feel like such a failure and all I do is sit around the house, when I want to have friends and meet people. Everything just fucking scares me and I’m tired of it. I’m suppose to meet with my psychiatrist next week and I have an interview for a full time job schedule Friday. I’m just so fucking nervous and sad all the goddamn time.
u/Fit_Cat_9045
Hi, I am twenty year old female who just recently dropped out of a full time college career. I used to work in a daycare about a year ago, but quit to focus on school. I was originally an English major. I like creative writing, but not so much the study of already written literature. Additionally, I am extremely concerned and terrified by the rise of AI writing. Everyone told me to think of the future of my chosen field and also said that it will solely be run by AI in the next ten years. I just sat there thinking, “okay, thanks for giving me so much fucking hope for my future.” So, as an alternative, I realized that I actually enjoyed taking care of children and switched to a teaching program. I took one class for that major and decided that it wasn’t for me. I enjoyed taking care of pre-school children, not so much older kids. With my school being 20k a semester, I realized I was essentially just wasting my time and money there, since I genuinely don’t know what to do. I enjoyed working with kids, so I am taking a class online at a community college for Early Childhood Education.
However, I feel like I’m wasting so much time. I don’t go outside much anymore and I’m starting to feel it. The reason why I got a job in the first place was to get over my agoraphobia, but now I’m literally stuck back where I started. Also, I like taking care of kids, it was rewarding, but everyone keeps saying it has to be a calling. Something you feel like you born to do and I don’t know if I’m that passionate about it. It feels like every time something gets difficult I just run away. I left my job, my school, and now I want to drop this online class because one of the assignments feels literally impossible to do.
I don’t do much. I don’t have any friends. I simply play video games by myself on a daily basis and do online coursework sometimes. I like video games, love them in fact and I thought of going into a career for that. However, I am horrible at math and art so I don’t know what else I can really do in the field. My parents are so supportive of me and I’m eternally grateful, but I feel like such a let down and a failure because I genuinely don’t know what to do with my life.
I keep feeling like something will come along eventually, but so far it hasn’t.