u/Fit-Rutabaga3627

I’m making this post not because my friend Annie is upset at the fact that I asked this of her but because I feel as though it might be too much to ask of her?

My (20F) friend Annie (18F) sees me as an older sister figure to her. I have no problem with that, it’s not the first nor the last time I’ll have a friendship dynamic like that. I don’t mind giving advice, I love when my friends do ask me for it. The issue I was having with Annie is she would tell me about her boy troubles and every time I gave her advice, my insight and opinion, she’ll agree and tell me that what I’m telling her is good and she’ll keep it mind. Only for her to come back to me within a week or two telling me how she did the complete opposite and is reaping the consequences. I honestly got annoyed after she did that so many times. Then I graduated high school and still kept in touch with her. The only time it seemed like she was reaching out to me was when she had boy troubles. That seemed to be the only time her name would pop on my phone screen. At one point she had the same issue with the same boy but never took my advice seriously. It was rinse and repeat, she’d call me, tell me what he did wrong and how it made her feel, I would ask if she wanted my opinion, give her my opinion only to then hear her ‘if’s’ ‘ands’ and ‘but’s’. For four months straight the only time I heard from her was when her boyfriend seemed to mess up again. I was becoming tired of it, thinking is this all our friendship is for? Have I really become this person who is only good for hearing boy problems? I told her up front when she called me to tell me about her boyfriend. “Look, Annie, I love you very much and I’m so glad that you can confide in me about these things. But I’ve given you my opinion already. We danced around these issues before and I’m more than happy to give you advice but asking for advice and what should be your next steps only for you to not do it is not something I want to do anymore. So unless you guys fix this or break up, I really don’t want to hear about you guys again. We can finish our conversation about this but this will be the last time I want to hear about this boy.”

I have no idea if what I said is harsh or rude. Annie still talks to me here and there and she hasn’t acted differently towards me but I can’t help it but to feel a little bit guilty. So Am I the Asshole?

I’m a 20yr old woman and I’m not that close with my family on my mom’s side. I didn’t grow up with my aunts and uncles on my mom’s side so I’ve never been close with them aside from one uncle. My aunt from the beginning has always said horrible and uncalled for things about me and my siblings. This caused an even bigger wedge in our family dynamic. Whenever I visited them, I always kept to myself, staying in the bedroom they lent me. I never really did much when visiting them since I don’t know the are and neither do they. Safe to say, my visits to Illinois aren’t much fun. But because I stayed in their home practically the entirety of my visit there, I noticed some things.

My aunt has three daughters, the oldest being only a few months older than me, the middle daughter is 16 years old and the youngest is 5 years old. Each of her daughters have a different father. The oldest and middle daughter’s father are not in the picture at all. The youngest daughter’s father is who my aunt is married to. The man my aunt is married to had a child from a previous relationship. That child from a previous relationship is a 26 year old man. 4 years ago, Ricky (the man who is married to my aunt) brought his son to Illinois to live in the same house as him, my aunt Jenni, her daughters, my uncle Julian, Sydney (Julian’s wife) and my uncle Julian’s daughter. When I visited after Ricky’s son, Henry, had moved in, I noticed small things. Henry and Kelly (my aunts oldest daughter) hung out a lot. They would stay up late to just talk in the living room. They would giggle at each other, tickle each other. It gave me a knot in my stomach but I tried to just brush past it by thinking that they’re just getting along as step-siblings.

One day, I was hanging out in my living room and my mom had rushed out from her bedroom and started, “Oh my god, I have to tell you something but you can’t tell anyone.” I sat up and gave my mom my full attention. She proceeded to tell me that she just got off the phone with Sydney where she told my mom that Henry and Kelly are in a full blown relationship, the entire household knows but no one is doing anything to stop them. No one in that fucking house is doing anything when they share a FUCKING SISTER. THEY SHARE A SISTER.

My uncle Julian has tried to step in by saying he was going to kick Henry out but Ricky threatened to leave the house, leave the company my uncle owns, and to leave my aunt Jenni along with their baby. Ricky raised Kelly and her younger sister since they were little. They are practically his daughters. So one of the daughters he has basically raised is dating his son. It makes me sick to even think about it. The gag of it, an time they’ve rented out a room in the house and when the renter would hit on Kelly, Ricky would tell my Uncle Julian to kicked them out or Ricky himself will drag them out. And with reason, my uncle will kick them out. BUT NOW THAT IT’S HIS SON , ITS PERFECTLY OKAY?!?

Sydney has quite literally told my mom that my aunt Jenni warns them to dial it down when we come to visit so we don’t figure it out but I can’t even stand being in the same room with any of them (aside from my Uncle Julian and Sydney). If anyone could give me insight on what to do or how I could possibly make my cousin Kelly see how fucked this is. We were never close but she is my family and I would hate to see her give it all up for this weirdo.