Some background
I’m writing this because I’m at a loss. My partner has had a very rough life put into the system as a child, experienced all types of abuse from family and foster care, and was exposed to drug dealing. Her previous partners were so abusive they almost killed her; her daughters even had to fight those men off to stop them from hurting her.
I met her in 2023. We agreed to be friends, but it became a serious relationship. We knew it would be rough starting out because the girls were still dealing with trauma from her ex. We were taking things slow until an incident happened where I had to help out. That’s when I met her daughter and aunt for the first time. Then there was an issue at the daughter's school where I helped out again. After that, she met my mom (they have a great relationship) and I met her boys. No issues there.
Things were going well and I kept my distance to make sure the kids were comfortable. Eventually, I moved closer, and that’s when I realized things weren’t normal. I wasn't allowed to go to her place I could drive over, but not come in the house. But she could come to my place all the time.
The reasoning was that the girls were not comfortable. I found out that after one of the girls had to threaten her ex at a young age to stop him from hurting their mom , they finally left and she promised them she wouldn't date or be in a relationship anymore. They took that to heart. Although she says they tell her they like me I’m a gentleman, but they don't want me in a relationship with their mom. She never told me this before; she only told me she wasn’t ready to be in relationship at first but eventually was willing to give it a try
The boys eventually started coming over. We had a great time homework, arts and crafts, all of us hanging out by the pool on weekends as a family even the girls had on those weekends. I was taking them to football practice, helping with school papers, and paying for haircuts, clothes, and medicine because their father wouldn’t. Still, she kept me separate from her family could got family functions dinners celebrations . I met her aunt, cousins, and brothers briefly, but it felt weird.
Unfortunately In early December of last year I got diagnosed with Stage 4 Lymphoma. I’m not going to lie, she stood by me every step of the way. Even when I moved closer to my parents for medical care, she came up to my parent’s house. But even while I was fighting cancer, I was still providing for her. I put 2 grand into a new car we bought together, and not even a month later, her youngest daughter took it and totaled it.
That set her into a depression. She is Bipolar, so I know that plays a part. Things got worse I was paying lawyer fees for her and then her daughter’s brother got locked up. Just a lot of things.
One she’s breaking down im telling things aren’t gonna always be like it’s gonna get better thing like that all of a sudden, she blew up on me just for being encouraging to her. She said this wasn't a relationship. She said she didn't like that my mom called the kids her grandkids because although it from a loving place daughter get upset (even though she literally says that too). She said I’m just her best friend. Which is crazy because we both acknowledged the relationship. She has literally called me her fiancé in front of my family and told my mom how much she loves me. But now it’s l best friend, yet she’s still all over me, kissing trying to be intimate with me, texting Bae I need money for this or Baby I love you and miss you.
I found out one of her exes still has a good relationship with the kids, and that might be why they don’t want me around, but she says she doesn't want him. Now she is pushing me away further, refusing my help saying I got this, but then relying on people who have hurt her so bad she’s come crying to me about them in the past. She still asks Baby can you help me with this? or Bae can you send me that? I feel emotional manipulation going on, but I do it for the kids. Het life got turned upside down and somehow I’m the one who gets the cold shoulder and is expandable.
I’ve been there financially, spiritually, emotionally, and physically there for her . I’ve never once raised my voice or abused her. Some of my friends and family say I should cut ties. I’m in remission from cancer. and need to focus on rebuilding my life , and they think she has too much baggage. But I love her and the kids. What do I do? Has anyone else dealt with this?