u/Financial_Prompt5984

I already posted this on a different thread but AITA for making a joke about my friends crying over a car and causing a huge fallout in my friend group
I (17F) am in a close friend group of around 10 girls and we joke with each other constantly. Our humor is usually sarcastic and we tease each other a lot so I genuinely didnt think this situation would blow up the way it did.
One running joke in the group is that Im obsessed with this specific chocolate trinity ice cream from Publix and everyone jokingly calls me a big back over it. Recently my parents accidentally bought the wrong flavor and I jokingly complained in the group chat that my dad somehow managed to find himself an exclusive banana pudding flavor but couldnt find mine. I wasnt genuinely upset and I actually ended up loving the ice cream anyway.
One of my friends responded saying we all need to be more grateful because there are people living in poverty. Another friend who Ill call Tiana jokingly said she was the most grateful person there. I laughed and brought up how last year she and her twin sister got really upset and cried over the car their parents bought them because they didnt get to pick it themselves. I jokingly called it a first world problem and said I didnt understand why it mattered as long as the car got them from point A to point B.
This upset both twins badly. For context we are all first generation kids from immigrant families and bonded a lot over that. Another reason this became a bigger issue is because last year I was really angry at another girl for making fun of Tiana for not having her license and Tiana said I basically became the same type of person I criticized.
She also told me this isnt just about the car joke and that apparently I have a pattern of saying hurtful things without realizing it apologizing afterward and then repeating the behavior. She said everyone feels emotionally exhausted and like they keep having the same conversation with me.
The thing is I genuinely wasnt trying to be malicious and honestly thought I was participating in the normal joking dynamic of the group. I struggle a lot with impulsivity and realizing Ive crossed a line socially until after someone reacts and I tend to get defensive when embarrassed which I know makes things worse.
These girls have genuinely helped me through depression family problems and issues with alcohol and I care about them a lot. Thats why this hurts so badly because I feel like Ive accidentally become someone who hurts people without meaning to. I apologized and took accountability and my friend said she believes Im sorry but needs a break because she feels exhausted by the repeated cycle and wants proof Ill actually change.
I genuinely feel horrible and Im scared Ive become toxic without realizing it. AITA

I (17F) am in a really close friend group of around 10 girls and we all joke around with each other a lot. Our humor is usually pretty sarcastic and we tease each other constantly so I genuinely didnt think this situation was going to blow up the way it did.

One running joke in the group is that Im obsessed with this specific chocolate trinity ice cream from Publix and everyone jokingly calls me a big back over it. Last night my parents agreed to buy me some but accidentally got the wrong flavor and my dad found himself some exclusive banana pudding ice cream flavor instead. I jokingly complained in the group chat saying something like wow he could find himself an exclusive flavor but couldnt find mine. I wasnt actually upset and I ended up really liking the ice cream anyway.

One of my friends who Ill call Gianna responded saying we all need to be more grateful because there are people living in poverty. Then one of my friends who is a twin lets call her Tiana jokingly said she was the most grateful person there. I laughed and brought up how last year she and her twin sister Tessie got really upset over the car their parents bought them. They were crying over it at the time because they were upset that they didnt get to pick the car themselves and I jokingly called it a first world problem. I also said I didnt understand why she cared so much about the kind of car since it still got her from point A to point B especially because at the time she couldnt even drive yet.

This REALLY upset both twins. For context all of us are first generation kids from immigrant families and that has always been something we bonded heavily over. Another layer to this is that last year there was an older girl who used to be around our friend group a lot who Ill call Jamie. She was honestly pretty mean and would fat shame people and make rude comments a lot. At one point she made fun of Tiana for not having her license and I remember being really angry at Tiana for forgiving her so easily because I thought Jamie was cruel. So when I brought up the car situation Tiana basically said I became the exact same type of person I criticized before and weaponized something personal against her as soon as I got upset.

She also brought up that this apparently isnt just about the car joke and that this has been a repeated issue where I say rude things without thinking realize later that I hurt peoples feelings apologize and then repeat the behavior again later. She said they feel emotionally exhausted because they feel like theyve already talked to me about this multiple times.

The thing is I genuinely was not trying to be malicious and honestly thought I was participating in the normal joking dynamic of the group. I know intentions dont erase impact and I admitted that to her but I genuinely struggle sometimes with realizing when Ive crossed a line socially until after someone reacts badly. I also tend to get defensive or embarrassed when called out which I know only makes things worse.

For more context these girls have genuinely been there for me during some of the hardest periods of my life including depression and problems with alcohol. At the same time though Ive also repeatedly told them that they do not need to feel responsible for fixing me or taking care of me because they are teenagers too and I go to therapy and try to handle my own issues. I dont expect them to be therapists for me and I honestly feel guilty sometimes because they support me so much emotionally. Thats part of why this whole situation hurts so much because I feel like Ive taken people I care about for granted without realizing it.

Part of why I was so confused by how upset they were is because only a couple months ago after a really difficult family situation involving my sister they were telling me how proud they were of how much Ive matured and how much better Ive gotten at thinking before speaking and handling conflict. So I genuinely thought I had improved a lot and didnt realize they still felt this frustrated with me.

I apologized and fully acknowledged that I hurt her feelings and that I need to work on myself. She said she believes Im sorry but that she needs a break because she feels exhausted by the repeated cycle and wants actual proof Ill change this time instead of just apologizing again.

I honestly feel horrible and Im scared Ive become a toxic friend without realizing it. I genuinely love these girls a lot and never intended to hurt them but I also understand why theyre upset. So AITA and does this sound fixable or does it sound like my friends are just finally done with me