u/Financial-Cap7329

I am a guy who grew up in Germany. Life was tough here. I experienced a lot of bullying and racism growing up. Germans can be really nasty and evil people (not all). I am a brown guy, and things have been really, really bad since the 2015 refugee crisis. The hatred I experienced... I could write a book about it.

While all this shit was going on, I was dealing with something else: my Indian family. I honestly don’t know if I am the bad guy or not.

Growing up, I had your typical absent Indian workaholic father with no life outside of work. Just greed for money. No interest in anything else, so there wasn’t really a present role model. He was at work for 15 hours every single day. He could honestly live alone and it wouldn’t make much of a difference. He is one of the most depressing people I know. Because of him, I always felt — and still feel — depressed and pressured. Pressured because of his lifestyle, which created this enormous pressure to perform. I was constantly told that he was a good man and that my brother and I needed to become like him. We never felt motivated to be like him.

My brother and I were not allowed to go out much, so my social skills were kind of crippled. My mother was your typical strict Indian mother who was fully focused on our education. My parents were strict overall, but at the same time they coddled and spoiled the hell out of us. We had nothing to do at home — not even lift a finger. So very early on, we became accustomed to being lazy and overly comfortable.

Because my dad never goes anywhere — not even to the Sikh temple — we became kind of an isolated family. My mother, my brother, and I used to go, but we slowly stopped because it became depressing for me seeing all these dads just chilling and enjoying themselves with their families while I felt like I never really had a father.

In my opinion, my mother didn’t know how to raise us properly. She treated us more like girls than boys. She clearly didn’t understand that boys and girls can be mentally different and sometimes react to things differently. She would become overly emotional, while my brother and I would just shrug things off, which often led to us being brutally beaten.

Things were already bad, but there was one more issue: favoritism. My dad favored my younger brother simply for existing and for being born two years after me. My brother constantly got away with so much bullshit, while I just had to shut up and accept it. It was frustrating because I couldn’t even correct him. He would immediately call my dad, and my father would tell me to stop bothering him so much.

The idiot then paid the ultimate price for his terrible parenting: my brother started doing whatever he wanted, rebelled, moved out, started drinking and smoking, and began acting like a complete idiot. This led to the local Indian community gossiping about us, which made me even more depressed.

Sometimes I don’t know if my feelings are valid or not. I’ve often met people in my life who told me my feelings were wrong, constantly invalidating them.

I dont even know why this asshole even bothered to marry and have children. He has nothing to do with us anyways. This dude lives at work more than at home. He could easily live alone and it would make no difference for us.

This asshole is neglecting all other responsibilites he has and now I have to be the man in house. I have to take over his husband duties. I have to go to all the places where he actually has to be while people keep asking me where tf my dad actually is.

This fucktard cares about nothing but his fucking money. On top of it he spoiled my youngest piece of shit brother. The little fuck was always a evil little piece of shit but kept getting away with every damn single mistake because my brainlet-father let him, telling everyone else to just stfu.

I hate how in our culture workaholic-bum-fathers are seen as holy men, we are supposed to bow down to. My dad always wonders why my younger brother and I dont give a shit about him anymore. How are you supposed to give a shit about a person with whom you have nothing to do and who refuses to give you time of his day? Who himself despite his sons begging him to chill at home once in a while at least, refuses to do so because money >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> wife and children?

Btw: This retard has such a shitty excuse in order to not take a day off. He says only if both, my brother and I work fulltime like him, he will stop. Funny how 90% of all the men I know that dont have working children manage to give their families their time.

Other Indian men find my dad strange. They say that he is easily the most greedy Indian man in our city and that whatever he wants in life, he wants from our children, which is true. They all also work a lot but somehow you keep seeing them at nearly every function or at the Sikh-Temple. And a lot of them are also Taxi-drivers like my dad. There is literally no excuse.

Right now I am the emotional tampon for my mother (my brother has moved out and doesnt give a shit about our parents). I go with her to social functions and the Sikh-temple. Everywhere at least 2-3 people bother me by asking where my dad is and that he should work less and enjoy life.

Fuck dysfunctional Asian parents, man. I am dealing with my own personal problems and then this fucker dropped his responsibilites on me and spends as much time at work as he can. And no: it is not because we are poor or because we have high costs. He CAN easily work one day less and we can still live normally. He is a just a very greedy man!

There are cases where youths suddenly stop going to the Gurudwara although they used to go to there before with their families.

Or when they completely stop caring about Sikhism. They show no signs of Sikhism, instead they live the western Harami-lifestyle.

Is there a pattern? Is it the parents fault? Is Sikhism just not that attractive overall?

Please dont get offended by this question, I hope for interesting answers, thanks.

I completely gave up on everything and myself. For years I live like a simple animal. I only go outside when i really need to e.g. to buy food. i rarely shower and do this only when i also really need to e.g. go out in public or because the smell is to much, the same goes with brushing my teeth.

i love laying in my bed and eating. i love ordering food.

gym? i dont care.

women? gave up on dating some years ago.

i live like a simple animal now. maybe even worse, idk.

people can call me whatever they want but if they went through my shit life most of them would kill themselves. i am proud about the fact that i am still alive and didnt kill myself.

I grew up in a strange Asian household. Father was (and still is) a total workaholic, at work for 15 hours everyday and never takes a day off. We barely communicate and since my birth he has this habit of treating me like a kindergarten boy despite me being older than 18 already. You would talk to him with a serious tone, he would talk to you like how you talk to a weak toddler and gives zero fucks about how you feel about it. He always observed when I struggled with a task and when I did he would immediatly come to solve the task for me ("Daddy will do it."). So from him I didnt learn how to be a man. He actually doesnt want me to act like a man but behave baby-ly (be vulnerable, talk like a toddler, be weak and soft). He also does this to other grown-ass men who are around my age or younger. Just doesnt take my seriously. Even in public. Somehow fathers of other boys were also so strict, which I respected. They take their boys seriously and did not allow any mistake. It was almost a military-like parenting they were performing, very efficient.

My mother cared a lot about my education but she was also just a clueless woman. She tried to raise me like a daughter somehow, not understanding that boys and girls are different psychologically and you can not expect boys to treat and raise like girls but expect the same outcomes. There were a lot of fights between my mother and me because of communication problems (womens brain vs male brain). I noticed very early that only with boys I had a good and clear communication or males in general.

There were also tons of fights between my dad and mother which lead to my dad run to work (he works as a taxi-driver and owns a taxi) and I was often the mediator to take care of these two grown-ass toddlers.

One thing I forgot to say: Because I am a boy and my parents come from a Asian country where sons are valued a lot (help you get out of poverty, inherit stuff, take care of children) I was coddled af. Treated like a prince at home. I had zero responsibilies. They only wanted me to study. Everything was done for me (cleaning, appointments, etc.). They also didnt want me to work on the weekends, especially my absent father. He was sacred that I could hurt myself or that I would neglect my studies because of that.

All this lead to me being a guy who doesnt know how to be a proper man. I dont get things done, I dont know how to handle my emotions, I dont know what is right or wrong, I dont trust people and dont let anyone come close, I am lazy af. My brain and my whole body feels like it just wants me do lay on the bed or sit on the chair and play video games and jerk off to Hentai. I have to fight so hard with myself when I have an apointment or when parents force me to go to the gym.

My question is: I am a catastrophic person, how do I man up? Because people who say "Just man up, bro" are vague af. That is not good advice, its like telling sad people "Just be happy, bro". I need proper efficent advice, maybe where I should start.

To summarize my personality : I am a very weak (mentally and physically) lazy pussy. I was also told by some women that I am "not a real man".