u/Final-Cash-2943

Marital issues

Basic context I am a late 20s male active duty military member married to a civilian woman. No kids but we have pets. We have been married about 5 years and known each other about 10. We got married through civil law not through the Church at all. I am Catholic and she is agnostic/doesn't care about religion. I was confirmed in high school and didn't practice my faith again until about 3 years ago.

We have been having some issues for about 2 years or so now. We are not as emotionally connected as we used to be. I think the military has made me a bit numb to relationships in general and made life routine. My wife says we don't have that spark anymore, she had warned me multiple times in the past that what she calls my lack of effort in complimenting her, showing her love etc. is pushing her away and she was reaching a breaking point and that I was running out of chances to improve. The frustrations I had with her were her attitude, lack of ability to cope with simple stressors and issues coming up in life, her complaining, etc.

This ramped up dramatically into the issues we talked about today. Recently, she spent essentially a whole weekend with a male friend of hers. She used to be friends with the male's ex-GF and we all have hung out a few times. The male friend and ex-GF broke up and the male and my wife have been in daily contact. Her spending the weekend with the dude (besides the night in between) seemed a bit fishy to me but I didn't think I would have to worry about what actually happened. Today she disclosed that she cheated on me twice with the male friend and that they didn't have full blown sexual relations but some form of sexual activity (not getting into details on this subreddit). I was hurt to hear this but not surprised based on what she told me about warning she made a mistake last night and the circumstances of her weekend away from me. I decided to also be honest with her and tell her that I have been struggling with the use of online sexual material and self sexual satisfaction since long before I knew her and that coming back to the faith has helped but not completely helped me overcome the temptations. She did not know about this activity prior. She was upset about it but not as devastated as I thought she might be. I told her if we decide to stay together she must cut contact with the male friend.

I had already been struggling to try to make her happy and live through my faith. Tending to her sexually causes me to sin because she is not open to NFP or open to life. I brought it up to her and she is scared to try that. It is also in general tough to be married to someone who doesn't care about religion. My hope was that by trying to live the way Jesus taught us I could potentially bring her to the faith if she desires, I do not want to be forceful.

I am going to reach out to a military chaplain (priest) soon to talk about the situation but looking for advice from people who may have experienced similar or have some guidance. Thanks and God Bless!

Basic context I am a late 20s male active duty military member married to a civilian woman. No kids but we have pets. We have been married about 5 years and known each other about 10. We got married through civil law not through the Church at all. I am Catholic and she is agnostic/doesn't care about religion. I was confirmed in high school and didn't practice my faith again until about 3 years ago.

We have been having some issues for about 2 years or so now. We are not as emotionally connected as we used to be. I think the military has made me a bit numb to relationships in general and made life routine. My wife says we don't have that spark anymore, she had warned me multiple times in the past that what she calls my lack of effort in complimenting her, showing her love etc. is pushing her away and she was reaching a breaking point and that I was running out of chances to improve. The frustrations I had with her were her attitude, lack of ability to cope with simple stressors and issues coming up in life, her complaining, etc.

This ramped up dramatically into the issues we talked about today. Recently, she spent essentially a whole weekend with a male friend of hers. She used to be friends with the male's ex-GF and we all have hung out a few times. The male friend and ex-GF broke up and the male and my wife have been in daily contact. Her spending the weekend with the dude (besides the night in between) seemed a bit fishy to me but I didn't think I would have to worry about what actually happened. Today she disclosed that she cheated on me twice with the male friend and that they didn't have full blown sexual relations but some form of sexual activity (not getting into details on this subreddit). I was hurt to hear this but not surprised based on what she told me about warning she made a mistake last night and the circumstances of her weekend away from me. I decided to also be honest with her and tell her that I have been struggling with the use of online sexual material and self sexual satisfaction since long before I knew her and that coming back to the faith has helped but not completely helped me overcome the temptations. She did not know about this activity prior. She was upset about it but not as devastated as I thought she might be. I told her if we decide to stay together she must cut contact with the male friend.

I had already been struggling to try to make her happy and live through my faith. Tending to her sexually causes me to sin because she is not open to NFP or open to life. I brought it up to her and she is scared to try that. It is also in general tough to be married to someone who doesn't care about religion. My hope was that by trying to live the way Jesus taught us I could potentially bring her to the faith if she desires, I do not want to be forceful.

I am going to reach out to a military chaplain (priest) soon to talk about the situation but looking for advice from people who may have experienced similar or have some guidance. Thanks and God Bless!

tl;dr Wife admitted to cheating twice with her male friend, I admitted to struggling with porn and masturbation, not sure how to proceed.

Basic context I am a late 20s male active duty military member married to a civilian woman. No kids but we have pets. We have been married about 5 years and known each other about 10. We got married through civil law not through the Church at all. I am Catholic and she is agnostic/doesn't care about religion. I was confirmed in high school and didn't practice my faith again until about 3 years ago.

We have been having some issues for about 2 years or so now. We are not as emotionally connected as we used to be. I think the military has made me a bit numb to relationships in general and made life routine. My wife says we don't have that spark anymore, she had warned me multiple times in the past that what she calls my lack of effort in complimenting her, showing her love etc. is pushing her away and she was reaching a breaking point and that I was running out of chances to improve. The frustrations I had with her were her attitude, lack of ability to cope with simple stressors and issues coming up in life, her complaining, etc.

This ramped up dramatically into the issues we talked about today. Recently, she spent essentially a whole weekend with a male friend of hers. She used to be friends with the male's ex-GF and we all have hung out a few times. The male friend and ex-GF broke up and the male and my wife have been in daily contact. Her spending the weekend with the dude (besides the night in between) seemed a bit fishy to me but I didn't think I would have to worry about what actually happened. Today she disclosed that she cheated on me twice with the male friend and that they didn't have full blown sexual relations but some form of sexual activity (not getting into details on this subreddit). I was hurt to hear this but not surprised based on what she told me about warning she made a mistake last night and the circumstances of her weekend away from me. I decided to also be honest with her and tell her that I have been struggling with the use of online sexual material and self sexual satisfaction since long before I knew her and that coming back to the faith has helped but not completely helped me overcome the temptations. She did not know about this activity prior. She was upset about it but not as devastated as I thought she might be. I told her if we decide to stay together she must cut contact with the male friend.

I had already been struggling to try to make her happy and live through my faith. Tending to her sexually causes me to sin because she is not open to NFP or open to life. I brought it up to her and she is scared to try that. It is also in general tough to be married to someone who doesn't care about religion. My hope was that by trying to live the way Jesus taught us I could potentially bring her to the faith if she desires, I do not want to be forceful.

I am going to reach out to a military chaplain (priest) soon to talk about the situation but looking for advice from people who may have experienced similar or have some guidance. Thanks and God Bless!