u/Few-Investment-6979

everyday people ruin there lives over that stuff and i cannot fathom why ANYONE would drink it on purpose, more than once. I thankfully didnt throw it up, most likely due to how little of it i consumed, but im upset that i wasted almost 20 dollars on the drink and the sprite i got to try and mix with it to make it taste better. It tasted exactly how i imagine rubbing alcohol tastes. i have been grossed out by the few alcoholic beverages ive tried and it never fails to confuse me. How do people push past how revolting it tastes???!? i truly do not understand ot

I (21f) recently told my parents i have an actual eating disorder. That my “pickiness” isnt preference its my body literally rejecting the taste, feel, smell, or concept of different foods resulting in physical and mental symptoms. My mom has been doing research and she asked me “how does having this disorder make you feel?” When i tell you i just broke down. I’ve had arfid my whole life, as a kid it was kind of embarrassing but i feel like society views selective eating as a childish thing. Plus as kids when you hang out you play outside, play games, or whatever its never centered around going out to eat bc you rly cant so i didnt feel as much shame around my eating until i became an adult.

The unwarranted comments on how i eat and what i do and dont like wear me down after a while. There are men who like bigger women over skinny women, there are men who like taller women over shorter women, quiet women over loud woment, but i fear ill never find a man who will like a girl who cant eat over one who does. Its crazy how much of a turn off having a bad relationship with food is for most people. I have such a hard time making friends too. I avoid activities that revolve around food and im just so embarrassed and hesitant to share about this struggle bc so many people think its made up and im just being difficult or something. Or my modifications are just too weird for people, or its used as ammunition to constantly make fun of me. It breaks my heart when my sister who has an intellectual disability, bakes something and asks me to try it and i have to tell her no bc ik i wont like it/be able to keep it down.

My arfid wasnt as bad as a kid as it is now. I literally throw up or gag at EVERYTHING. I never used to react to drinks and now they can trigger me as bad as food. I cycle through safe foods so fast now and as a kid i NEVER lost a safe food. I’m not diagnosed or anything but i also think i have some comorbities i didnt have as a kid. Contamination OCD symptoms make it really hard for me to cook for myself and the anxiety and intrusive thoughts about what will happen if i try a food are something that have increased with age. I’m so tired all the time. The physical and mental load i carry due to this disorder are extremely taxing and theres really nothing i can do about it bc there are so few treatment options due to it still be a grossly understudied disorder.

I hope i can get control over my arfid soon, but with how things are looking it doesnt look like thats in the cards for me anytime soon